in passing

Everyone has a past. Everyone has things they wish they could change. Why is it that when we lament over the past, it is usually missed opportunities or things you wish you hadn't done or experienced, but there is no changing it. It is hammered away in stone. Granted there are those lucky few who get to go through a second chance of a situation. Very rare I know. When you get excited about moving forward, you take control of your perception of the past from your heart and your mind. Really if anyone says things worked out exactly like they imagined, they're lying. We're all bootstrapping (despite what their social media will tell you). Wake up, tackle your day, wander when you can in your head, take a step back, feel love, feel joy, process sadness, process loss. A lot to do in one day. haven't written on here in a while. the future is receding, like salt water rushing away from the beach......it is truly the cycle of life. the coming and going of the tide. stay above water, swim where you can, stay still to catch your breath, reach out for a life preserver when you need to. get to safety. touch the rough of the rocks. touch it with your feet and your hands. the pain will awaken your senses....remember...there were people that couldn't jump in the water today....they have moved on....and are now, part of the past. 

"The only difference between the saint and the sinner is that every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future." - Oscar Wilde

ALL-DEL VAL NATIONAL

 ALL-DEL VAL NATIONAL

December 11, 1994 | Delaware County Daily Times (Primos - Upper Darby, PA)

FIRST TEAM OFFENSE Line: Greg Pierce, Academy Park; Jerrold Weatherly, Chester; Xavier Galindo and Ofa Donaldson, Glen Mills; Milton Smith, Ryan Booker and Joe Terra, Penn Wood. Quarterback: Kyle Hill, Penn Wood.

Receivers: Dennis Springer and Anthony Reynolds, Penn Wood; Maurice Ryant, Glen Mills; Joe Hollman, Chester.

Running backs: Aaron Mackrey, Penn Wood; Ben Alexander, Glen Mills; James Carmichael, Academy Park.

FIRST TEAM DEFENSE Line: Pete Govens, Glen Mills; Raoof Mateen, Academy Par; Lamont Hughes and Jessie Allen, Chester; Ben Stanley, Milton Smith and Ed Jean-Baptiste, Penn Wood.

Linebackers: Joe Terra and Justin Wright, Penn Wood; Kareem Devine, Chester; Damar Johnson, Glen Mills; Tim Meeley, Academy Park.

Back: Aaron Mackrey, Michael D. Walker and Anthony Reynolds, Penn Wood; Chris Ferrari, Academy Park; Kewyne Bolds, Chester; Everett Baker, Glen Mills.

SECOND TEAM OFFENSE Line: Enos Hill, Glen Mills; Vernon Brown, Damon Mayfield, Jesse Allen and Lamont Hughes, Chester; Ed Jean-Baptiste, Penn Wood; Andre Harrison, Academy Park.

Quaterback: McGuel Bays, Glen Mills.

Receivers: William Mason, Glen Mills; Albert Motley, Chester; Michael D. Walker, Penn Wood; Jeremy Klein, Academy Park.

Running backs: Jamar Kinder, Chester; Jamar Butler, Glen Mills; Justin Wright, Penn Wood.

SECOND TEAM DEFENSE Line: Damon Mayfield and Jerrold Weatherly, Chester; Sionne Tavake and Darryl Gartley, Glen Mills; Jerome Farquharson, Penn Wood.

Linebackers: Dennis Springer, Wilson Audelein and Shauntae Willis, Penn Wood; Henry Shivers, Glen Mills; Devon Minter amd Albert Motley, Chester; Kwasi Aware, Academy Park.

Backs: Walter Bracey and Jack Combs, Glen Mills; Andre Handy, Chester; John Scanlan, Academy Park; Craig Davis, Penn Wood.

HONORABLE MENTION (Listed alphabetically by school) Academy Park: Tim Flynn, Dwayne Smart, Bill Bissinger, Mike Porreca, Steve Richart, Pat Hicks, Andre Harrison, Greg Pierce, Kevin Hornug, Jeremy Klein.

Chester: Rashod Kelly, Jamil Boyer, Devin Minter, Naeem McCommons, Kareem Devine, Dirk Butler, Basil Motley, Robert Chase, Michael Cobb.

Glen Mills: Brancisco Denoyas, Vern Scott, Cliff Anderson, Josh Elliott, B.J. Morgan, Anthony Bright, Mike Crosby.

Pass the bar.

You sit at the bar. Friends talking. Strangers talking. People engaging. You think 100 years ago they may have been talking about, oh wait, maybe it was Prohibition so everyone was at a speakeasy. People were gonna get their booze. As Pop Pop used to say…near beer. You think about what dreams were born at the pub, the bar, the watering hole, the well (Springsteen), the dive. You get it. Maybe dreams were born. Maybe dreams died. Maybe it was cheers to a birth. Maybe it was cheers to a death. Maybe a cheers to a wedding. Maybe cheers to a divorce. Maybe it was celebrating the championship (Go Phils!) or maybe it was to drown sorrows from losing the Series in 93 (still hate Joe Carter!). A guy friend of me reached out and said “I miss you”. I know he was probably drinking. He’s a good guy and fun to be around. He’s working hard to support his wife and kids. Somewhere along the line, we all went our different ways. Connected today by social media yet not social. I felt bad cause it was too late to drive to his house and well that was that. I told him  we had a plan to all meet up. I thought to myself. Who knows if this would be the last time I could be talking to him? Maybe there was more going on. I didn’t ask. In 2022, we are bound in such different ways. Technology has disconnected our real connections. Part of me doesn’t like it and I work in tech. Tech has gotten me in trouble some times. Caught in the act we shall say. But in a way happy I was caught cause I was doing wrong. There lies my question. Are we engaging today? Are we being human to humans? I use tech a lot for my personal life (pictures, blogs). I admit that. But are we still there for each other? I don’t know. Maybe that’s how we get off track. We forget who our friends are. Are they people or images on a screen now? I can’t hug a picture.  I like hugs. Haha. Til next time. Next round on me! 

Here’s to you Aunt Joan. You were always enjoying a cold one. You always were engaged and entertaining. You always were interested to see us. You were empathetic. You had joy. You were independent. Your hugs and cheek kisses were always something I sought out. I never was in a bad mood around you. Even when Mom passed. You were there with that same empathy and you didn’t even talk cause I knew you loved my mom. I knew you I loved us. I knew we loved you. You lived good. You lived an honorable and joyous life. I never ever heard one person say one bad thing about you in all my 44 years. That speaks volumes. I will miss seeing you. I will miss you the way you drank your beers. If my memory serves me right. You just held your beer a way I will remember until my time comes. Say hi to mom and Kathy and “Joe”. My God he got a kick out of you calling him that. Say hi to Uncle Har. He is probably making everyone laugh. The two of you. Two special humans I will remember forever. Just your personality and temperament. Thank you for loving us. 

Now I think I'm going down to the well tonight

and I'm going to drink till I get my fill

And I hope when I get old I don't sit around thinking about it
but I probably will
Yeah, just sitting back trying to recapture
a little of the glory of, well time slips away
and leaves you with nothing mister but
boring stories of glory days

Glory Days. Bruce Springsteen

Before the mast

It’s usually the sun that gives you hope and light and all that stuff you read in a Hallmark card. The moon usually isn’t directly out the window of my balcony. I happen to lay down to watch a movie and I look up and the moon, in all its dark beauty shining through my door. It was so bright and vibrant that the sunrise can wait another 6 hours. You truly never know where you can pull hope from. The light of the moon can guide you just as much as the light from the sun…it’s all about perspective. 

I did not wish to take a cabin passage, but rather to go before the mast and on the deck of the world, for there I could best see the moonlight amid the mountains. I do not wish to go below now. Henry David Thoreau

In the stars

About 2am the wind was howling. The trees were shaking off the road. A cool breeze of a summer not yet in flux. A clear sky, clean air, a calm heart. Summer nights always opened up the endless possibilities of youth. A hot day wrapped in a cool night under the stars. Opened up the balcony door. Bare feet touching the cool concrete. Arms dangling over the railing and asking for answers but not needing them. Desiring to know the purpose of this life but in the way of wonder and not in pressure. The stars above, shining above us now, have been shining for some time…shining over us as kids, as friends, as always. The light shining over the silhouette of the tree line. I wonder what’s past the trees and if the clearing will bring clarity. 

the landing

It was as if the rain evaporated before it hit the ground. Maybe that was it. Tears never landed. Maybe they disappeared like the past, gone in an instant....not to be remembered. It was all so fast. The time, the moments, the light...up in the morning, sunset, night. I grew up loving the light of the sun and then the darkness crept in and it was the light of the moon that garnered the attention. The sun shines....all over this planet. There are great things happening. There are bad things happening. The sun still shines. I imagine dying on a sunny day...how could you be sad? All the while people die all over the world on every day of the year, my day will be no different. I hope the sun can shield my loved ones from the hurt that comes on that day. I can't recall one speck of the weather the day my mother died. I only remember my sister's phone call. She was gone. My sister shrieked as she said that to me. It was so final. In a dark sense I wish I could see my face at that moment. I was alone when I got that call. I remember the pain of hearing "gone". It is final when it's referring to that. My mother, gone, never to rise like the sun again, but she rises in my mind, in my heart and protects me from the thoughts and feelings to which I cannot control. She is the sun in the days when my darkness is not lit up by the moon....and she continues on in her life after this one. I can still look at the sun and smile. It sometimes smiles back...causing a salt-filled droplet in the corner of my eye....no different than the drops that filled up the ocean....mixed with the rain that made it to land so many years ago.

Maybe

Maybe I was scared. Maybe I was afraid of what I would do when there were no other doors to open. Maybe it was all in my head. Maybe I wasn't where I was supposed to be. Maybe I was. Maybe where I am isn't really anywhere at all. Maybe it's as confused as we are. Maybe time is passing us. Maybe we are just passing through time. What will be 100 years from now? Will they remember us from the past? How will they refer to us? How will they see us? As a friend said, "the father leaves the legacy..." What about us individually...what is our legacy? Who was I really supposed to be or did I become exactly what I was meant to be? Did those off ramps derail my trip? "Even if you're standing on the right track, you can still get hit by the train.." Will Rogers was on to something. We can put things behind us...but they are still there. I remember a time, 2000, reading those emails so fast..I didn't know how much they mattered. Sometimes I re-read them. I didnt get rid of them all. It was a time when we didn't know that emails would become memories...to last forever. Maybe I am not really writing. 

"You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment."

Henry David Thoreau