Friday, April 24, 2009

tic toc

Sometimes I see things that just make me laugh. I laugh in a good way. A “I knew you were thinking the same thing” or “thinking about such and such way”…It’s funny how much is said with simple actions rather than a complex lineage of grammar. Get that? I’m part man, part thesaurus. Never a boring conversation. Ha!

Anyhow, I ask myself this week, why not? I’ve never really set limitations on life. That’s probably not the best thing to do. You should probably set some limitations on some things in life. Fun should have limitations. Unfortunately I guess I have not seen any in some time. Work should have limitations. Often times people are telling me to “not worry about it” or “put that thing (laptop, blackberry, carrier pigeon) down”. I don’t know. It’s probably some of our worst flaws. As I write this I’m trying to focus on listening. But I can’t tell you where I am or what I’m listening to. Anyhow, sometimes, when something happens good to other people around me, the natural reaction is to sometimes think “will that happen to me?”, “when will I do that”, “when will we all get together and do something like that?” I guess recently, actually this week, I said why not now? Why not soon? Why not?

It’s almost like we’re all waiting for things to happen. I don’t care who you are, you’re waiting in some regard for certain things to occur. From E in Chicago who runs at the speed of light. To the principal who runs in his mind, but strolls in reality. To me, I don’t even know what I do. I think I do one of those walks Fred Astair or Gene Kelly did with the umbrella. Right leg out, left leg out, skip, jump, and repeat every 10 feet. Often times my mind is going a lot faster than my mouth or my fingers, but recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about things. I think I need someone to call me so I can just sit and listen to them so maybe for a day I can stop thinking about what I should say…um, or write. That reminds me. Might be time to call one of my four sisters.

I sometimes question the limits. I used to think the limit on something to be done was time. Time was always the deadline. Had to make varsity by 11th grade. Had to get that college application in by August (thank you PSU-Delco for letting me take entrance exams 7 days prior to the start of classes). Had to graduate college in four years (okay. 4.5. it was worth the fun). Had to get a job by graduation. Had to get a better job. Had to go to grad school. Had to finish the thesis. Had to finish probation.…well, you get my point.

Well, all the while I thought time was the limit on achieving certain things in life. I think that I was wrong in that assumption. I guess society imposes the time constraints on us. Maybe some unmarried gents and gals will agree, but then again maybe you won’t. Not like you have to be honest with me. I hardly know you right?

I guess the conclusion I came to regarding limits was that it wasn’t time. It was me. I placed all these limits on myself. I suggested there be limits. I thought certain things had to be done by a certain time. The older I get. The more I believe that the goal is not to get things done by a certain time, but to get things done right. It’s important to remember that this doesn’t just apply to trivial things in life. It can apply to everything.

I guess I’m more apt to want take my time and do something right than rush and do something wrong. On the other side of the coin I know time waits for no man and that certain things you will want to achieve a certain time, date, age, minute, or day. No doubt about that. And I understand the logic, so keep it up.

It’s not selfish to want time to yourself. The world understands that not every time can our time be spent in public. It may be those moments when you appreciate yourself or those you love most that you spend your time wisely. I can say that I’ve probably learned the most about myself in the time I have spent in solitude. By wish or warrant I was by myself, but there was a reason for both venues.

Don’t ever set a limit on the time you spend doing what you love. Those times are often the shortest and end the most abruptly in life. When you’re doing what you love or spending time with great company you wish time could stand still, but most times it speeds right on by into the space of memory or afterthought. I guess that’s the time when I wish there were no clocks and the sun never set….


“Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you”. -Carl Sandburg

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

on the limb

When you are posed with a question that usually should be answered honestly, what do you do? Does answering a question honestly depend on your knowledge of what the outcomes and/or consequences will be? Does the inquiring party affect your decision to answer honestly? Does the reaction of the inquiring party or parties force you to modify your answer or response?

I have to say that all of these play a part in how we react to a question that we answer. I was recently forced to answer some questions. The questions were personal questions and they were asked of an entire group where the answers were not shared, but the answers would be information available to the instructors. I didn’t think of the ramifications of answering the questions honestly. I really didn’t think that I would be such a small percentage of the group that answered the questions honestly. I answered the questions honestly.

Do you ever feel bad about answering a question honestly when the result is you being punished, bashed, or in worse shape than you were prior to being asked the question?

I’m a somewhat intelligent person. If someone asks me a question I respond with either an answer of truth or an answer of opinion. That depends on the type of question.

Is it easier to tell someone what they want to hear? Sure it is. I mean, if you tell someone something they don’t want to hear, you have to explain yourself. Usually, that is in a specific situation. But when we’re talking about factual responses, what is the benefit of telling a lie? If you ask a group of people the same question and the group knows that the answers could get them in trouble, do you question the majority or the minority of differentiated answers? Does this make sense? Maybe not so clear.

A group of kids is caught stealing in a department store. When confronted, all of the kids says they didn’t steal anything. When confronted individually, these kids all have different answers. Two admitted to stealing and two do not admit anything. Where does the blame lay? Did all four steal or did two steal and admit they stole? Did two get off easy and two face the music? Could we ever really know unless we were there and witnessed them stealing? No.

You know what sucks about the story above? The kids that stole and admitted it are telling the truth and they are the ones who will be blamed and charged. While two kids that could of also stole are not admitting it and are being let free. Does that seem right? I don’t feel like it is, but maybe I am the dumbest intelligent person out there.

I think we’ve almost been programmed to tell the truth to a certain extent. Tell the truth until it becomes a weapon against your armor. I don’t get that logic, but why does it seem so common today? Well, I’m going to figure it out very soon. I decided to tell the truth in a very important situation and when confronted with being the small minority of people who told the truth I was also punished. Now it’s my turn. I have confronted the people who asked the questions in the first place and had one thing to ask. I asked how a small percentage of honesty can be measure by a large majority of liars?

When a lie travels through a large group isn’t it interesting how that lie starts to become the truth? I guess we’re still on the playground, but there is just so much more on the line these days.

"The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple." -Oscar Wilde

Friday, April 3, 2009


If I had a chance for another try, I wouldn’t change a thing It's made me all of who I am inside And if I could thank god That I am here, and that I am alive And everyday I wake I tell myself a little harmless lie The whole wide world is mine

I heard that lyric in a song I recently heard and it seemed pretty right for the feeling of the time right now. I think when you are at peace with yourself you’ve really come to a great point in your life. I guess we all have our hang-ups and insecurities, but it’s great when you realize that there is a person or persons that can totally bring you up at any time.

The weekend is once again upon us. Gonna head back over the hills and stop by the old stomping grounds for a minute. I haven’t hung out in a while, but looking forward to seeing some familiar faces this weekend. And a chance to see some family as well. I always wish I had more time around the people who seem to matter most. And the ones that don’t matter any more, maybe some time to figure out why they don’t matter or why we don’t matter to them. I guess it happens.

I find it interesting how quick perception and attitude change these days. We are like a key-stroke away from a range of feelings. It’s almost funny. I think of social-networking sites and how just someone’s messages, status, or posting can evoke feelings. I mean, words on a screen, right? Kind of like Orson Welles’ radio broadcast in 1938. A hoax. A simulated radio broadcast to scare the listeners all over the country. It was radio days. No way to really “know” if aliens were in fact landing. Words over the waves. Words on a screen. Take them with a grain of salt folks.

Some things in life just make you think, wow. Like did he or she really just say or do that? Are you really standing there saying that to me? Are you really going to try and treat me this way and get away with it? This week I was wowed, but in a good way. You have to appreciate the good surprises in life because they not only bring about an emotional reaction, but they also make you think of the motives behind the surprise. In any case, don’t think too long or else it will lose the shine of surprise.

I hope you all have some plans this weekend. As usual I’ll be entertaining in the show. I’m really hoping the 3 million dollars they spent on this place in the County looks like 3 million dollars should look. I guess it doesn’t matter cause everyone will most likely be well greased on Saturday night…

Anyhow, really. Right around this time of the year I reminisce about…wait I just spelled reminisce correctly. Wow. Even I’m not impressed easily, but that was impressive. Highlight of my work day. Anyhow, it’s a good time to re-connect with friends you don’t usually get the chance to hang out or go back to those places that make you think about how life was when you were 16, 17, or 18. I’m sure those were some good years in your life. Getting done school and heading into the summer. I’ll be seeing some old friends this weekend. Some I’ve only seen about one or two times the past decade. Should be very interesting. It’s great how you can always go home, but I know for some home is no longer a physical place, but rather that spot in your heart where you protect yourself with great friends and great memories from your past.

Go out and live through your memories of days past gone.


“I would like to be remembered as a man who had a wonderful time living life, a man who had good friends, fine family - and I don't think I could ask for anything more than that, actually.” -Frank Sinatra

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

turning tables

Hello All! And April Fools on you all. I wonder some times….we have all these rules and what not to play by in life and society and even in the democracy of the United States we might have people in our lives that may try to come down on us or “rule” us in some way. Some mentally. Some even telepathically. It amuses me in some sense.

People are not always used to the reaction you may give them when something is said or done. I can admit. I have also been guilty, but I almost laugh when some people can’t even accept the other-than-expected reaction to something. None of us are the same, so why would any of us expect any one to react the same way about something. If you act outside of what’s expected you are somehow breaking norms, but I don’t really agree. You react the way you react because that’s just the natural fashion of who you are. The word pushover comes to mind.

What kind of person would you be if you just let someone run all over you and you just kept your reaction all bottled up inside? Wouldn’t that be a slight of the person you are deep down? The person you were raised to or not raised to be? I’ve seen this reaction go both ways. From the utterly insanely happy to the downright raging anger. Both are very extreme, but I don’t care to knock them. I give people a lot of credit for being able to express themselves. The people that got across to me the most in life were the people that I genuinely felt an emotional tie to. I could feel the joy or pain coming through in their reaction to something that happened. I’ve never been one to just go with the flatline that can sometimes be life. Wake, work, dinner, sleep. And begin again. It’s just so damn boring. Yeah, simple is good, but simple does not mean “without emotion”.

Recently a close friend told me they were having some problems in their relationship and they were angry about it. I understood where they were coming from, but while I noticed the hint of anger and talked about their feelings/emotions regarding the relationship, I noticed another thing about the person. I noticed that they never said “I’m done” or “I’m out of here” or “I quit”. I give this person the utmost respect in life and have watched them develop into a really great parent and spouse. At that moment it shed some light on some things in that type of committed relationship. It seems a lot easier to quit than it does to make it work. But nothing worthwhile ever came easy, did it? Jobs, degrees, success, body, happiness…no one would ever sit there and say their life was simple and easy. Even if I thought it was in my eyes, I wouldn’t slight someone like that and say they had it easy.

All I can say with regard to emotions is recognize them when they do occur. Whether it’s coming from you or being directed toward you. If you’re the other half of the equation it usually means that person really cares about you. Try and respect that emotion. If it’s positive, hold on to it. If it’s negative, at least care enough about the person to work through and actually give a shit about why they act the way they act. I’ve learned that the way people act is often drastically different than me assuming they may act because of certain variables. If you’re a guy reading this, 99% of the time you’re wrong. If you’re a girl reading this you’re probably wrong 98% of the time. The unspoken misunderstanding of a relationship is often what destroys something that was or could be pretty special. So speak the #@$! Up!

Too often we spend so much time thinking we know the answers to questions we never want to ask. It’s almost painful to recount that through your life. Or having the interest to ask your mother or father about how they felt when they had you. A question a child probably would never ask their parent, but thinking about that makes me want to ask my mother how she felt that day.

On Saturday I had some interesting conversation with MA. Lots of questions and answers and just plain laughs at the “show” that is our lives. I had a question for him that I knew the answer and it was evident. “Did it fail?” “Well, we’re no longer seeing those people, so you tell me?” A good laugh. A good laugh at failure, but not the failure to get through it by talking it over with a friend. Why didn’t it work out? Easy. It didn’t work out because it wasn’t supposed to work out. Can time change that? Maybe. Can people change that? Possibly. But time and people change and our lives change with them. What was once desirable becomes less impressive. What once went unnoticed and overlooked now becomes paramount and obvious. What is interesting is that nothing is failure that leads to grow and move on to a better life. It took me a while to realize that a few years ago. You can even laugh at memories that were once bad because well, you have to. I had to keep bringing something up to MA. I think my moral became “change the little things so the important thing can stay and grow”. I think I’m someone who can overlook or get past some of the little imperfections, but looking back, don’t you almost appreciate their abnormality?

I feel sorry for those people who don’t respect emotions. Most likely they don’t even respect their own.

Welcome to the show.

"The most important things to say are those which often I did not think necessary for me to say -- because they were too obvious." -André Gide