Colorblind

I got new labs today. Black woman who took my blood said she was a diabetic. Also diagnosed late in life after her 2nd son. We talked about the eating and how tough it was. She asked me if I drank, I said yes, but on weekends. She said, "you gotta stop...all of it...that stuff is tons of sugar. Your pancreas doesn't know how to handle so much of it. You "men" also can't handle it. Your organs seem to really take a hard hit from it....worse than women...." as we got done and also laughing cause she had a bad year, she said, "good luck...take care of yourself..." A mother is sometimes a mother to boys and girls of all ages and races.
 
The way I see things, the way I see life, I see it as a struggle. And there's a great deal of reward I have gained coming to that understanding -- that existence is a struggle. - Harvey Keitel

60 seconds. 14,000ft. The rest of your life.

Wheels up. We're getting some altitude. The feeling, indescribable. The visuals, incomprehensible. The thought of the next 5 minutes, fearful. Life takes you places. Life throws challenges at you. Sometimes you just need to challenge yourself. Maybe not life and death challenges, but hey, it was a group rate. We're in the plane. We get to 14,000 feet. The door opens and you see nothing but clear blue sky and white puffy clouds. The air comes rushing in. You can't breathe. Your mind can't wrap around the thought of jumping out of a plane. The doorway to the oblivion. You sure as hell aren't going up. It's a straight fall down. The first person out, Bobbi flies right on past me. The second person out, Megan's goes by and I grab her leg just to grab onto something. Kelly my tandem pulls me over to where Megan is about to jump out. She turns to me and says, "Wait!! What's your name?" Just as she falls out the door, "Oh yeah, Bobbbbbbbbb...." I mean, who even does that? For a millisecond my mind got a brief reprieve before the jump. Then it's my turn. Last of the 20 or so jumpers. Out of our minds. Into our heads. Into our hearts. And with one flying leap, we're out of the door. Complete silence. Wind going past me at 180mph. I can't hear. I am floating. Nothing can hurt me here. Nothing to think about here. Only the wind and clouds tossing at me. I am doing the unexplained. Flying further down....13,000, 10,000, 8,000, 5,000....parachute release and yanked back towards space. We glide. I can't talk. Pan to the video being taken. Screaming. Yelling. Joy. Amazement. Living. Left a lot on that plane. Starting something new once I land. We jump into life and fly towards our dreams....


In the world through which I travel, I am endlessly creating myself. - Frantz Fanon

 

refractions

In thinking about the choice, it is completely up to you. Driven to make the choice and came to a place where there seemed to be no choice for you. You consider the consequences and ramifications of your actions. In some sense they seem logical in your mind, but not logical in the sense of normal. Logic becomes bent like light through glass and the refractions of output move forward. We all have a tough time living with our consequences. We all have a tough time making difficult choices. There are those choices which cannot be reversed. There is sometimes no turning back from such a choice. Can you handle the consequences and explaining yourself for the rest of time? Can you live with not making a choice to change what is happening? No one knows what drives us to make a choice. Some of us have no other option but to act while others had a choice to act in other ways.

Call on God, but row away from the rocks. – Proverb

aqua

Always carry the belief that things will get better. When you look back, you will realize you've made it through much worse. Keep hope alive.

In all things it is better to hope than to despair. -Johann von Goethe

reach

Depression is a secret you should never keep to yourself.

I am in that temper that if I were under water I would scarcely kick to come to the top. – John Keats