time

I always set too many expectations on this day. And sometimes my expectations meet. Sometimes they're not. Sometimes there's a surprise that I didn't expect. After a tumultous year I am ready to part with 2008. I guess I can say that in a good way though cause a lot of good things happened this year. So while I will part with the past 12 months, I have learned a lot and have grown as a person. I guess that's all you can expect to do in this life. As much as I may have expected certain things to happen that did not I take solace in what's to come. I want to celebrate the year to come, but don't want to forget how we all grew this past year. I'm always one to want to move forward. I know some of us get stuck or mired in muck sometimes, but move forward with your life. I guess moving forward means something different to everyone....but time moves forward with or without you, so keep your eye on the prize and the other on the clock. You can get the prize, but you can't get that time back.

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resolutions..

I want to say my news years resolution would to be to stop being naive about life and be more honest with the person that I am. But I guess I like being naive about life. It lets me believe that all people have good intentions, that dreams and miracles do happen, and that Santa Claus is real, he just wears a different uniform during the other 364 days of the year. I guess you can be naive about certain situations so maybe when they occur you at first are surprised and next you are just saying "well, that was unexpected..." Most of all I guess it comes down to having a little sense of pride. Pride for who you are, who you were, and who you've become. I wish everyone the sense of pride that comes with being who you are. Who you are to the people who care most about you. Who you are to those that love you. And who those people are that smile when they think of you or when you're around. I think the greatest sense of pride comes when you can you be exactly the person you want to be in many of life's situations. The ups and downs will come, but consistency will impress people as you remain steadfast in being the person you want to be.

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everyone

Everyone has a past I figure. I guess some of us dwell on it. Some of us revel in it. Some of us try to fix it. Some of us can't get past it. And then some of us forget about it. I guess we're all a mix of that. For all the things I want to forget about from my past they've made me who I am today. Some of it helped. Some of it didn't. Some of it hurt. Some of it made you happy. But everyone has a past. It's just like a suitcase you carry around. You have to remember that while you are who you are, on every trip you're bringing along some things you need, some things you think you'll need, some new clothes and some old clothes........but most of all....just make sure you enjoy the trip and bring something good home with you. Most likely you won't be visiting again....

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do the right thing

Doing the right thing will not always be justified by the reaction because reactions are immediate and usually inaccurate. Only when you have time to think about how something made you feel do you possibly understand its effect (affect). Really, reactions can be what they will be. A reaction does not always mirror the action.

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christmas

So it's Christmas and I don't think I'm gonna get what I wanted. I guess it doesn't change much from when I was a kid. You want something so bad and you don't get it....a few months down the road you realize you don't want it as much as you once did. Or...you want something else at that point. I guess if it was something you really wanted and you wait and ask for it again, you might get it. I'm not the type that likes to wait. Especially when other kids are getting the gifts I want.

Here's to you Santa Claus.....maybe it's better you don't give me what I want. The toy truck will do just fine I guess.

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choice

I think for some people, they believe it is a conscious choice to be happy. For others, its happiness that grows unknowingly inside of them that makes the choices for them.

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Ok. So I was wrong about surprises, but still right about magic shows...

Surprises can be a good thing. I figured that out last night. A surprise can be a great thing when the surprise is even better than you first expected to happen. As people, I think we all set expectations on what you think will happen in life. But man, it's great when what you expect doesn't happen. What happens turns out to be even better than you expected. Right?

Then again I don't know if any girl is ever surprised by a bigger diamond. Seems like that rock can always be....as she said "a little bit bigger....." Ha. Man. Expectations.

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the creature

So my good friend posted his status on Sunday night. His status said "...is a creature of habit and is going food shopping..." His timing couldn't of been more appropriate and I thought of something today as I was walking back from the bathroom this morning. We are creatures of habit. Even if those habits are bad. So I ask....if you've been walking on glass for some time and gotten used to the pain of walking on glass (recycled). Do you even know what it feels like to walk on feathers and when you do get a chance to walk on feathers is it so new and unknown that you just end up stepping right back into a bucket of glass just because you're a creature and used to feeling pain?

I've stepped on both, but man, feathers feel good on any part of your body. Duh. :)

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guess

the excitement of uncertainty can usually be narrowed down to birthday surprises and endings of movies. I don't think it can be as fun in any other facet of life. unless you frequent magic shows.....and I don't know too many people that are frequent visitors of magic shows. Not sure I want to know those people either. random thought.

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banter

Sometimes when I'm faced with a dilemma or personal decision, I throw it out there amongst the crowd and see what mish-mash of suggestions I get back and then make my decision, but the older I get, the more I learn that people are just as clueless as I can be about certain situations in life. And if you have a friend/peer that was burned before in a similar situation.....well, you don't want to ask them because they'll be totally biased and scorn....so what to do? I sometimes ask the Big Guy upstairs, but I think I ran out of chances with him. :) Sometimes I ask my grandfather, but mostly his response to every dilemma is "I'd tell them to go pound sand up their ass"...Yes, this goes for every man, woman, and child that gives "Pop-Pop" a tough time. Sometimes I ask a close friend and they do their best to help, but well, sometimes, I don't listen to well.

I guess the best person to ask is myself. At least then I can give myself shit for the decision or answer I come to. I mean, I'm the most well-informed on situations involving me. I think the days of saving face and all this crap about pride are in my past. You take those roads in life and you could end up a stubborn, miserable grouch.....I guess it's okay to make a decision to protect yourself from getting hurt again. No one would ever fault you for that......except maybe yourself for shutting the door on an opportunity.

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possibility of potential

I feel like the possibility of potential can sometimes set you up for false expectations. I guess we let our minds think things can be a certain way, but if you think things will be great and it's anything but great you may feel let down. We always want to think things will turn out the way we hoped, but in reality things will turn out the way they will. I figure everyone has potential.....but they can be potentially bad or potentially good.

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what it takes

It takes a good person to admit to themselves they were wrong. It takes a great person to admit to others they care about that they were wrong. I do appreciate the honesty that humans can present to each other in interaction. Even if we've been told the average person lies 3 times in every 10 minute conversation.....I appreciate the person who is honest the rest of the time.

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essence

Sometimes I wonder if the true human essence is being able to feel pain or being selfish enough to feel that pain, contain it and spare the masses the heartache of what you felt. I guess pain wakes us up and alerts to how human we really are inside. I don't believe pain will always make one enact change, but it sure does make you want to change that moment. If for a second, minute or hour, you don't have to be there feeling what you felt. If you could, you would remove yourself from the way you feel and how hurt you are at that moment.....but if we remove ourselves do we ever feel better about the next time we encounter such a situation?

I guess, sometimes, in certain situations, you just can't avoid the possibility that you may get hurt. But at least appreciate the possibility that by getting through that hurt you have grown that much more as a person having experienced your personal tragedy.

I guess I want to throw out a canned statement and say "what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger", but being strong doesn't mean you can't be sad for a few minutes, a few days, a few whatever. It's your personal time. Do with it as you may my good pal. :-)

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inspire

inspiration comes in so many ways and shapes. sometimes inspriration can come when you feel at your lowest. sometimes inspiration falls by the wayside when you are at the top of your game.
today the inspiration came from the view from the back.

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one

I don't see the reason in trying to be everything to everyone. I do see reason in being something to someone.

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reflection

It's kind of strange. You can always think you know what you want, but you feel the most when you're caught off guard by something great that happens. A moment, a place, a time. I feel we are most excited by the spontaneous, but also by the unexpected moments you catch when you look at someone or something when they're not looking at you and you kind of catch that sunlight off of their face and the warmth reflects upon you. It's kind of strange how the good in someone or something can make you realize what is good in you or lack there of.....

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order

Sometimes we want order to our lives. Sometimes too much order is considered boring and somewhate militaristic, but order and love can also be great. Sometimes when I think about when I had order and love, it was the best the world could be. When you have no order and no love, you are bound to make bad choices and take even worse courses of action in life. I guess there's a balance to both sides. Right now I would say that I need order, have love, but in no order do I know who to love. In short order love is good. In a long menu love is good.

do you have love in your life?

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better to not

I guess sometimes it's better to not even ask a question that may lead to an answer you can't handle, but man....it's tough for me to keep my mouth shut time. Sometimes it's so tough to start. Sometimes I hesitate to start, but I will always finish. I don't make apologies for who I am, but I guess we do have to make apologies for the things we do. We're all human and I guess everyone has a level of recklessness. I guess some are on the extreme ends of the spectrum.

thank god for music.

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haircut

Sometimes change is good. Sometimes change is bad......

But for certain change will happen regardless of how your ass feels about it. Right? So roll with the punches and come out swinging in the next round.

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thursday

So it goes without saying that maybe not everyone wants to work hard. MAybe some people want to coast through life. I guess hard work does different things to different people. Maybe a hard life regards easy work as a gift. Maybe an easy life regards hard work as punishment. In either case, work can be work and work can be fun. FOr the first time in my life, work has been fun. Never have I felt challenged. Do you get challenged @ work? Or is it just a place to go, spend time, do something, get paid and leave? Ah. I guess it's different things for different people. That dream of being a pro athlete kind of faded a long time ago, but keeping that dream almost keeps my childhood alive inside of me. Seeing a city win a championship rekindles that feeling of being a kid again. Living at an age where everything was pure and not messed up by adults with issues and society with its influence.......

It's Thursday, but maybe this is my Friday thought since I have off tomorrow. In either case. I like feeling like a kid at play and an adult at work. And that dream wasn't so bad. I was surprised to see her face in the dream. Even though meeting in person has been seldom through physical and more through words.

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city lights

In the heart of the city you can find something you love. It could even be yourself.

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& what about you???

Okay. and what about you????? do you think that life is a series of changes adapted to each individual or each individual adapting to a series of changes....

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change

Phils Win. Nutty parade. Septa was crammed. Work is crazy. Life is crazy. First Black President of the United States. Lots of change. Lots of anticipation. New things in life. New loves in life. New life in love. New people. Bettter faces. Bettter places. Better spaces. Getting out of the rut. Getting rid of the gut. In the middle of the tornado music is the calm. Like the ocean at night and the quiet of the city upon dawn.

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GO PHILS

The 2008 Major League Baseball Champions are your Philadelphia Phillies!!!!!

the last game..

So there we were. Over at Barnaby's. Friends gathering around the tv closest to them. A sea of red and white and Philadelphia love. A love that goes so deep for sports, family, and friends that you would have to be here to experience it. So it comes down to "Lights Out" Lidge. Three outs and the rest of your life. Three outs to forgetting about Joe Carter, the Toronto Blue Jays, the Patriots, the Edmonton Oilers, and every other stinkin team we lost to in the Championship game. This is for all those days I watched games down the shore with my Mom-Mom and the picture of me on the picnic table with my Phillies batting helmet. Sans clothes. For Harry and Whitey. For Schmitty and for the Flyin Hawaiin. For Cole, Ryan, Geoff, Eric, So, Ruiz, Chris Coste who waited so long for this moment. For J-Roll who is so passionate that he's honest. For Brett, Durbs, Blanty, and Mad Dog Madsen.....For Pat the Bat & Werth. For that 93 team of misfits that I lived and died with as they lost to the Blue Jays......And Charlie, thank you...

So there we all were. Drinks clenched, mouths watering, emotions seeping through our pores, and tears being held back by grown men who live and die with Philly. I was in a group of about 10 of my friends and about 100 in the bar. Closes to the tv near the window. And that final pitch....that final out. It stands in time forever. So crisp. So unbelievable. Amazing....I can't hear. Lidge drops to his knees as Ruiz comes out and the entire team jumps in a pit of celebration..The entire bar is at the highest decible. I'm hugging my friends. Yelling to my cousin. Jumping up and down until I can barely stand. I almost feel like I'm floating....

Timmy makes the call..."We're going down to Broad & Pattison...." And not even a second thought and we barrell in the car and head down 95. Past everything. Past the lights of the night. Past the Navy Yard and down to Broad Street....A sea of red going absolutely crazy. People slapping hands, loving this win, loving their city, loving life. Guys, girls, sisters, brothers, cousins, uncles...all Philly. I spent most of the time just taking it all in. People all over the monuments. Taking pictures. Hugging, kissing, slapping, waving, cheering.....I ran through a sea of cars slapping hands. I didn't know what to do, but I wanted to get people involved. That's me. And this was a great night for a city to fall in love with their hometown heroes.

I've been waiting 28 years for this day. And it was worth every day of it.

Go Phils.

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Series

So the game was suspended, the Phils have to wait again, a city waits in the balance, we're all on the edge of our seats...Every work day is a day spent dreaming about what "might" happen when they win. Been waiting for this since I was 5 and my Mom-Mom used to put Harry on the little tv set down the trailer in Seaville, New Jersey and we'd sit there and have family fun, eat our meals, and relax to Harry's voice coming through the set. It's 25 years since that time, Harry is still there, our Phils are still there, and here they are...about to clinch the World Series against the Tampa Bay Rays. I mean, a team with 125 years of history versus a team with 10. You have let us have this. I'll wait another 28 years to clinch again, but please baseball gods......just let us have this one.

GO PHILS!!!!

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glad about that friend request ;-) interesting...

listen

If you have a group of crazy people who are saying the same things does that make you want to agree with the group or question whether you are crazy or neither? Most of the time it seems these days that people are so scared to go outside the group that they would say and do anything the group says just to fit in. So pathetic. So closed-minded. And so not the way to live...Here's to being an individual and standing up to anyone you felt threatened by. In the end you have to live with YOUR decisions, but if the group helps you decide....they don't have to live with YOUR decisions. You still have to live with your decisions.

what a clown.

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laugh again

keep pushing through and you'll get through the woods.

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letting go...

I guess in the end, you have to let go of things that you try to hold on to cause whether it be a good or bad memory or a good or bad person; it's just that.....the past. For the first time in a while it was easyy to not be mad about things that happened in the past and be excited about who I have become as a result of that arduous time. I don't think we can worry about changing people or even worry about who they have changed into. People become who they want to become out of two processes. The process of outside affecting them on the inside. And the process of their inside affecting the outside. Either way, I can't hold grudges or even be mad at bad decisions I made in the past. I think as humans we want to hold this spot in our hearts about how we felt about someone, but where will it ever get us? If you hold onto a happy emotion about something with someone, it may force you to hold that feeling for all of life. If you hold on to a bad emotion, well, you're just holding yourself back in life. I welcome the change and challenge the adversity that any past difficult situation put me through. I heard it best from Tom Hanks in a quote..."I learned a lot more from people telling me to piss of rather than I did from people kissing my ass."

I guess, what did it really matter? You have to be sure about some things right....And really, what has ever occurred in the way we thought we were so sure about it occurring?????

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friday

Fall Fridays in Philly. Can't really beat it. I guess with every changing seasons we get the chance to change who we are. Maybe change the perception of the life we lead. Maybe even hope to change the perception of others. Maybe just leave those with their closed minded perceptions in the back of the mind and maybe on some island somewhere. Things are good. Finally starting to settle in to this little city. It has so much to offer and I wish I had an hour to meet everyone who lives here, but I guess I'll just keep flying by the seat of my pants and let the breeze take me where it may. Can't question my decisions in the past and least of all can't regret them either and I don't want to condemn those who are so lacking in self-power that they can hardly stand on their own two feet. I pity those people because they let the owners of the strings make them dance to their tune and not the tune of their heart and soul. Fall is totally upon us and Halloween is approaching. The welcome of holidays and family and maybe the welcome of the newness of the season and the potential of a city brimming with vigor and excitement......

ah. the city.

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go phils

my beloved phillies are in the world series. nothing could of made me happier then to see ruiz squeezing for that final out and 15 years of sports futility went away. philly was going crazy. manayunk was going crazy. thousands of people at cottman & frankford and people just happy to celebrate something positive in the city of brotherly love. I let a friend who is from the area listen via speakerphone blackberry to Harry call the final outs of the game....it's like..come on Fox, you gotta let Harry call the final outs. And sure enough, they did replay his great voice making the call....The Phillies are going to the World Series!!!!

Go Phils!

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cracked

If your entire life has been spent staring at cracked mirrors do you still have a distorted image of yourself once those mirrors go away and you have mirrors with no cracks? I mention this because if we are surrounded by cracked mirrors, do we look at a uncracked mirror and think that there is something wrong with it since it is without crack? Or do we appreciate that this mirror is not cracked and we can actually see ourselves for what we are instead of what the cracked mirrors were showing us.....

Or, do you take a hammer and try and crack the perfect mirror so that it shows you the same as what all your cracked mirrors show you???

I'll stay out of the group and just remain uncracked. Thanks. Ha.

hmmm, rarely

Hmmmm, rarely do I ever get offended about what people say about other people, but I take the bus to work. And today, someone referred to my fellow bus riders as "those people"...I kind of got offended. Is this stupid? Hmmmm. I wonder. I think all kinds of people take public transit...not anyone of any certain type of class, socioeconomic, or personality. you take it cause..well..it gets you to where you have to go. I don't know, maybe its stupid, but I guess I'm one of "those people"

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