It’s 5:39am. From the open window in my bedroom I can hear the traffic moving down the highway. A cool almost-to-be fall morning. Only about 10 years ago, I would be waiting outside with my luggage for a cab to take to me a train or plane. I was robotic back in those days. Never really knowing my “why”; just that I had to do this or that for customer this or that. While most people my age at that time were getting married and starting families….I was logging miles and miles. About 400 train rides, 100 plane trips, 100’s of cab rides (uber wasn’t around then) and one emergency landing. Hello Fort Wayne, Indiana….I don’t miss you.
There were literally times during those days I would show up in some city, in some other state, in some rental car, and my customer contact would be like….you probably didn’t even need to be here for this. I would always shake my head, curse to the sky and think of Adam Sandler’s line, “information that would’ve been better if I had it yesterday.” I would meet people from my company. Some just look kinda lost. Some were already living in that city and would be onsite for a minute and go home and do little. Some just treated it like a mini vacation to “get away from the wife and kids”. Some had no family.
Today it’s amazing to me that that was a way of life. Most people back home, they were working their 40 hours and going home. I was working 40, traveling another 20-40 and trying to have some type of life, some type of relationship, some type of normalcy. I could pack a 3-day carry on in the dark. I learned to get dressed by the light of a phone. My grandpop, bless his heart, he never woke up those 500am mornings when I would get 1-2 hours of sleep and get the Septa to 30th street. The only reason I stayed at his place was to show the guy some love and share a pizza with him Monday night; but boy was I completely exhausted going to DC. I know now what it caused to happen in my body. A cost you cannot return. I have zero doubt.
Everyone who heard I would travel would say oh that’s so cool. People always think you’re going to these great places. DC isn’t really that special affer your 300th trip. It’s less special when it’s about to snow and all your fed colleagues stay home and you’re 200 miles from home. Normal Illinois….well it’s boring as all hell. The home of State Farm. Chicago…it’s too wild. Newbury, CT….not much. Dothan, Alabama is actually nice to drive through, but the “are you a Yankee?” will make you realize quick….you’re out of place. Along with the gas stations that are half food and gas and then another side for NASCAR and SEC gear. Ok. I geeked for the SEC gear. And those guys at the Southern Powen Nuke plant. They were down home good old boys. Eating dinner off the coast of San Diego near the seals was cool. Those winding streets. The guy who “worked on one of my movies” that stopped me in DC. Well, I still don’t know who he thought I was but that was cool. Driving to the Upper Peninesula in Michigan where the Yoopers live to go to the Toshiba Power plant in Ludington was cool. It was lonely and it was one day but there was a certain peace you just can’t buy up there. The coast is rocky and dangerous but peaceful and sandy. Lake Michigan during a windy winter is as violent as any ocean and I quickly understood how ships got wrecked out there. Bill Smith, lead PM then, nice enough to invite me to dinner with only meeting me once. I told myself I would finish that training in Dothan in one day just so I could drive that trip to Pensacola. All I wanted to do was see the ocean. Pensacola is a sleepy coastal town. It was super chill and I did my class and all of my students invited me out to dinner for stories about coon and squirrel hunting and living off the land as young folks. We laughed a lot. The surprise 400 person “Tony Robbins” show in Normal for tons of State Farm people really caught me off guard but I sure did rock it out and celebrate like a real adult with a DQ Blizzard. Thank God I wasn’t diabetic then!
At 32 to 38, I really didn’t know what I didn’t know. I didn’t know what all those miles were doing to me. I wasn’t really aware of the cost it was taking on my mind, body qnd soul. I didn’t realize the investment of travel. I always had some type of book with me but part of me wishes I had read more. More about non work things. I got better with the train. I would have my ear wax and glasses on and sleep so good on the trips south. Planes became like my bed at home. The movie on my tablet on the plane ride home in darkness always one of my favorite memories. It was like my own little movie theater.
They say people love traveling for all those points. Given my circumstances in that part of my life. I guess those points lead to some good times and memories. They’re not of much value these days but I guess I can say that I was afforded the opportunity to do some cool things. People, well, some, they never knew how exhausted I was. I developed a chronic disease I have zero doubt came from stress and lack of sleep most weeks. Granted I didn’t help myself by coming home and getting wild with people but I had like 2 days to see people in my life and you try to fit a life into that. I guess I got to go and do some cool shit. I definitely have paid a price. Granted I haven’t traveled like that in years. I wouldn’t do it that way again. No frigging way.
That and hearing the captain of a plane say “folks we need to make an emergency landing…we’ve run out of fuel…” while you’re 25,000ft in the sky will sure make you value your life. I wish people knew how tired and exhausted I was. I tried to put in a smile and act like everything was alright but I was so tired inside. That guy definitely doesn’t exist any more. Life got way more serious and sad the last 10 years; I wish I hadn’t traveled so much those years but I did stay as present as one could be when I was there. I can say this though. Most companies don’t care that you’re traveling to make them money. They’re happy it’s you and not them. It’s a thankless side of that consulting business. Maybe one that isn’t as prevalent now.
My favorite travel times were usually the ones I knew I would have a break and some time to decompress. The northeast corridor train to Kingston, RI. The occasional plane trip to some warm place or even that trip to Mexico to surprise my family. Trips to Chicago to see my buddy. The train ride north; once you get past NYC…you’re coasting. You’re going past cities and towns that seem like they don’t touch the rest of the world. You can see parts of the ocean. Coming through CT, you’re basically on the ocean…so close you could get out and walk to the water. I always had my backpack, my clothes for the weekend, my book, my thoughts, my exhaustion.
I’m amazed I even hung in there as long as I did. When I left that role, there was no thanks, no we really appreciate what you did, nothing. I think that’s what hurts. The people who were controlling my trips; they could’ve cared less about how tired I was. Cared less about all that lost time with loved ones. Cared less about my safety. And today I don’t care about them at all. If anything, I regret them being able to do that to me. I really do. Ungrateful soulless drains on society.
I guess all in all. I got do some cool shit with some cool people in my life those years. I got to see and do things that kid from Folcroft absolutely never thought he would ever do. Coming home to people I love or going to see them; it made it worth it. It made their value in my life so special. I always brought Mom back a magnet from my trips. She got a kick out of that.
In my next life, the only trips around the sun I really want to make are birthdays.
