life guard

Sometimes it takes a lot of pain to realize how special life is. Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom to realize how special life is. Sometimes it takes losing those you love to realize how special life is. The older we get we seem to surround ourselves with those people we know truly care about us, but also those people that can reciprocate love back. Those people that won’t judge us and will listen intently or give us the straight dope for advice. It’s hard to let go of special people, but sometimes it’s not really letting go, but rather just going in different directions. Everyone, each one of us, seems to be on our own journey. Free will is a hell of a thing we have inside us. It’s great to be on the same page with those close to you. It’s also to have the drive to be independent and create your own road. If you can’t handle being alone, you most likely won’t be able to be good being with someone. You learn so much about yourself on this journey. Every moment impacts the moments that follow. Difficult choices need to be made and new opportunities come about. It can be a new job, a new friend, a new significant other, a new place, a new road, a new sunset. So much can be appreciated from a new perspective. You don’t lose those that came before and your paths may cross again. If they do, focus on the positive, focus on the good, focus on what was special between the two of you. There’s a lot to be thankful for when two lives intersect and memories are created. Sometimes children don’t even get this opportunity to bond with their parents because of certain reasons. We all change. We all become different. You realize that it is the most important and caring people in your life that have circled around you; in times of joy and times of sadness, to become your lifeline. There’s a lot to be said about weathering the storm and being there for someone. We all have choices….but quitting can never be one that is a satisfying nor easy choice to make. If someone upsets you or even gives you so many reasons to give up, don’t. It’s a lot easier to walk away than it is to work through the storm. That’s not what we’re about. In centuries of our past, there are millions of stories of people sticking together…in the worst of times and some until death. It’s amazing what a bond perseverance can create.

Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I may not forget you. – William Arthur

I sea

We are young, then become teenagers, trying so hard to fit in and act cool and act "mature". We get to the late teens, college, trying to fit in and act mature. We get to our first jobs or graduate school or whatever...trying to fit in and act mature. Get into relationships and get married...need to act mature and be an adult. Working that job, no fun, stagnant, same thing day in and day out. Stare out the window (if lucky enough to be near one) to see the sun or the rain the trees or the leaves or just the green grass and you long for the days of your youth. Those non-sense activities you did as a kid...outside, in the sun, in the water, the pool, the hydrant, the sidewalk, the stoop, the yard, the steps, the corner store, The Ave. You yearn for those times. Not just because of the places, but because of the innocence and purity that was your childhood, your youth. Those times when you were not aware of such a big world you were in...it was your world that you were consumed in. A world of dreams and fantasy...a world of what was and what could be. It is good to flashback to those times. The pure joy of those times can get you by in times of stress. No one can take those memories away from you. I hope they are good. I hope they are colorful and I hope they have erased any of the darkness that may have invaded your childhood. I like to think of being near water. Somehow it is always cleansing and purifying the soul. Whether it be the ocean or a pool....that feeling that what is surrounding you pleases you and creates a sense of joy and calm in your life.

We are tied to the ocean. And when we go back to the sea, whether it is to sail or to watch - we are going back from whence we came. John F. Kennedy

dis tort

It seems like this happens often. We all have families and our well-being. We all are trying to survive in this world. No one knows what you as a person might be dealing with. No one knows about what your family is dealing with. No one knows what you struggle with every day. Yet I see it. A person moves on. From a relationship, a job, a team, a group, a situation. I myself have experienced it. Shit. We all have. We've all been dumped, let go, dropped, cut, rejected, dejected, and subjected. I just don't get how people can be angry that you leave something you gave your time to. Time is something you can never get back, but there are so many that look at you as a quitter or a deserter when you want to move on to something else, something better, something different. Really it comes down to, you gotta do what's best for you. Not what's best for your manager, your colleague, your team, or anyone else (except wife and kids). People should celebrate that of all the things a person can devote their time to, they chose to devote it to the situation you both were passionate about. It's pathetic when people become so hateful because someone wants to improve their lives, change their lives or seek out an opportunity to grow. It's even worse when they are angry when they know the person gave their all, but is truly not happy or content. Inside, you have to do what's best for you and your family. It's sad that some people really never realize this because they are so greedy, selfish, or have distorted ideals about this world. Celebrate a person moving closer to happiness. We're all striving to get to that perfect medium. Happy job, happy relationship, happy friends, happy relatives, happy life.

Hi to my readers in Israel and France. I hope you are smiling today. Amazing how far words can travel.

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things -- not the great occasions -- that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.- Bob Hope

Retreat

That moment where you stand still in place or are laying down where you feel most comfortable and safe. It's where you need to be or where you have gone to be alone. Needing space, needing quiet, needing time. You can still hear the most subtle of sounds outside but it can be the loudest inside your head or inside your heart. Those are the places where the most silent of screams and cries are not heard, but they are most surely felt. Not a person can hear or see them, but they are present. It is at that moment you retreat to your quiet place to exclude yourself from time passing to a state of time standing still. The room does not change and the consistency provides you with a sense of comfort; a sense of home. It may not be what is physically in this place but rather what you imagined is there. A person that has since left your side, a lost loved one who has moved on from their existence, a place where you shared a time of joy, a time of love, a time of laughter. It is in those times that we pass through in our head. Like notes on bars, we travel through melodically only able to feel and see but time plays on like the song. You must remember these special places and keep them close as they will help you survive with the memory of the love you have and that place you hold close inside.


The fatal metaphor of progress, which means leaving things behind us, has utterly obscured the real idea of growth, which means leaving things inside us. -G. K. Chesterton

change-up

That moment when you wake up, early, knowing that change needs to happen. You realize that it is the only path to you being satisfied and content. You know that the path will not be easy and it may not be short, but the result will be worth it. You realize that those who have rejected your desire to change or your ideas to change are either scared of the success of your change or ashamed that they are stagnant and not willing to change and misery loves company. Change is scary, but a future of doing the same thing with the same results is just as scary, if not scarier. Change will take work. Lots of work. You will need to spend more time to think about the change, measure the impacts, think out the process of change, actually decide to take action and change and then moderating the ripple effects of the change. Many who are just followers or who just like things to always be "routine" or "familiar" are going to have a negative outlook on change. This is to be expected as they realize they never had the guts to change or that their path suits them just fine. Many times there will be people who object group change. Individual change, regardless of impacts, should be applauded as it is usually a step towards personal growth and an awakening. Usually change does not just happen one day. Usually change is brought on by days/weeks/months/years of negative experiences and negative outcomes, by negative results and minimum positive reactions, lack of desire, but also lack of interest, loss of respect, and interest in the unknown. Change is inside all of us. I believe that we try to hang on until we are forced to change. Sometimes we are not so fortunate and change has to be decided at the exact point in time that change is needed. Change is an awakening of the spirit and human energy. In order to survive in this world, we must adapt, we must change, we must embrace change, we must promote change. If we do not change and adapt, we are not growing.

When you're finished changing, you're finished. - Benjamin Franklin

Goodbye Pop Pop

I’ve been trying to think of a way to word this and speak my mind, so here it goes. Our immediate and extended family recently lost one of our truly great men. My grandfather, Joseph Francis Kenney was the true embodiment of family and at 83 years old, he was my best friend. He was the oldest of four and the last surviving member of his siblings. It’s ironic because I think his sole purpose on Earth was to be a father of four great kids, one being my great mother Patricia. I lived with him for 4 years after my grandmother passed; some of the best years of my life. My close family and friends know that much of my spare time was spent with him just driving around Delco and The Shore, having a simple meal anywhere we could find a booth and talk (Dino’s in Seaville, Denny’s on “The Golden Mile”, and countless conversations about all things Philly and life. The guy loved the simple life. All he ever wanted was a friend to talk to or someone to “shoot the shit” with. He taught me so much about our past. What it was like when JFK was shot, where he was when we landed on the moon, the Catholic Church, and all things in between. Nothing was off the table. 

Told me about the PTC, growing up on 52^nd and Stewart St in West Philly, his trips with my mom-mom to Niagara Falls, Florida, and their last Las Vegas, what his “Pappy” was like who had a shot and smoke once a day until he died at 98 (with all his hair he would always add), what The Shore was like before anyone lived there, and how he always wondered about how much concrete it took to build the Manayunk Bridge. Always had a good one-liner. I would be heading out to the gym and he’d say, “Tell Jim I said hi..” Or I’d say, “Take it easy…” He’d reply, “I’ll take it any way I can get it..” Always the ladies man. I usually delete voicemails and recently found tons of his funny messages on my work iPhone. Struck Gold. He fought the good fight the past 8 months. His selflessness expressed even as his body was failing him, he just wanted to get out of the hospital and back down The Shore to have some fun with his kids and grandchildren. He lost the ability to eat on his own early on and I promised him every visit we’d go for Leo’s cheesesteaks and two cold beers. When he lost the ability to speak, I started to learn how to lip read fairly well and he’d tell me how he wanted to leave the hospital so we could get in a two man paddle boat and he would even do the paddle motions and throw out a line from his hospital bed. 

I know many of my friends and family have lost loved ones near and dear to their heart. I wanted to write something so I’ll never forget him. When it all comes down to it, in the end, all we have is our friends and our family and that special bond will stay inside of us forever. I hope that everyone is lucky enough to have someone like my grandfather in their life. I was so fortunate to have him around for 36 years…and someday we’ll get to go fishing again.

Bob

passerby

The older I get, the more I learn about dealing with loss. Loss can be defined in so many ways. The loss of a loved one or a friend or mentor. The loss of a relationship with a significant other or close friend. The loss of the person you were 5, 10, 15 years ago. The loss of the drive to do the right thing or right wrongs in your life or others. I have dealt with some great losses in the last 3 years. The passing of seven close friends and family members. Each one a bit different, but all just as important as the other. I think of all of those situations and remember how each one of those losses really changed my thoughts on life and relationships. Those thoughts that hit you the moment you've learned of a loved one passing. Like all the memories you shared with them come splashing into your face with such a vibrant and warm wave. I like to think about that way because it leaves content in knowing of all the time they had on Earth, I was able to spend some time with them. I definitely have learned to cherish more relationships the last few years. It's not always a matter of how much time you spend with someone, but rather your conveyance of love and support that they know they can rely on. Those difficult moments in life when you know that a person is truly open to helping and caring for you. None of us is perfect, but I've definitely learned a lot more about unconditional love in regards to family and relationships. That moment in your mind when you think of a person and realize that your life just would not be complete without. I try and take more time telling people that I am really happy they are doing well, making their lives great, creating families, growing their list of friends, or just trying to get by with a little hard work and desire and love in their hearts. Sometimes we ourselves yearn to be a person we were some time ago. Sometimes we're just trying to be a better version of the person we were yesterday. In any case, hold on to life and those relationships you cherish. A memory is still a memory regardless if it's 15 minutes or 15 days long. I am so thankful for those I have passed through life with, but I am also excited about those I will go through the future with. Whoever it is you may have on your mind, a parent, a friend, a wife, a husband, a sibling, or someone that impacted your life in a positive way...reach out to them. Say I love you. In the old days, a man appeared weak for saying that to the people he cared for. I try and say it as often as I can these days as you really never truly know if you will see that person again and it's just a great feeling for them to know they are loved by someone.

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that new world is born. - Anais Nin