Been a while since I last posted. Just been getting through the year. Trying not to stress about the little trivial things that don't matter. Lot of perspective this last 12-14 months. I think things are getting better and then I hit a wall. I know that's common given the situation. I am definitely a lot less stressed than I was this time last year. My Lord. This time last year was absolutely horrible all around. You can't really get it unless you're dealing with a few of the worst situations you've ever been involved in. I have notes up to stay calm and to slow down. Life has moved so fast the last decade. I sometimes wonder where it went. Maybe we all do that. Where did the time go? I can't say the last year has been a great one...or even a good one. Some bright spots here and there. I am happy that I am not carrying the baggage I once carrying and living a healthier life; mentally and physically. It's amazing how your mind changes when you've been through something tragic. You're almost like punch drunk after you get spit out of that washing machine called life. In my head and in front of my eyes, the water wraps around me. Sometimes pushing you down. Sometimes pushing you forward. All depends how you ride that wave in. Sometimes you just get slammed. It forces me into that survival mode. You're alone. No one can help you. You have to make your way back up and you need strength to do that. And out of the darkness of the bottom, you see the light at the top....always trying to grab that light. Times seem to be much more enjoyable than they have in the past with any conflicts to deal with. When you are spit out the other end, I guess you just have that "wtf" attitude sometimes. Not to say you don't care, but it's that level of caring that can impact you in a bad way. Caring so much about something that negatively is bringing you down. It's been a rough year for many. Sometimes I wish I could take their pain away, but I think I've paid that toll 100 times over. I have no one to apologize to. I have nothing to say sorry for. I have no remorse; aside for a handful of solid, good people from my past that I just didn't do my best with. Such is life. I've moved forward and they have as well. I continue to write on my Mom's blog. Almost at 100 posts. It gives me some peace and some solace. It makes me realize how special she was; not that she didn't know how much I loved her while she was here. I am happy that she cherished me as much as I did her.
If you're reading this, I hope you are well. I hope your heart is calm and at peace. I hope you are fed. I hope you are thirsty for knowledge, but paralleled with a passion for nature and mankind. I hope you are not always conflicted and if you are, you find daily resolve. While none of us are making it out of here alive, we do have this life to live still and we want to smile when we can, cry when we feel we need to cry and laugh...laugh and close your eyes....remembering someone who can no longer laugh, but who longs to live on inside of your heart.
We have always held to the hope, the belief, the conviction that there is a better life, a better world, beyond the horizon. - FDR