Friday, April 29, 2022

the landing

It was as if the rain evaporated before it hit the ground. Maybe that was it. Tears never landed. Maybe they disappeared like the past, gone in an instant....not to be remembered. It was all so fast. The time, the moments, the light...up in the morning, sunset, night. I grew up loving the light of the sun and then the darkness crept in and it was the light of the moon that garnered the attention. The sun shines....all over this planet. There are great things happening. There are bad things happening. The sun still shines. I imagine dying on a sunny could you be sad? All the while people die all over the world on every day of the year, my day will be no different. I hope the sun can shield my loved ones from the hurt that comes on that day. I can't recall one speck of the weather the day my mother died. I only remember my sister's phone call. She was gone. My sister shrieked as she said that to me. It was so final. In a dark sense I wish I could see my face at that moment. I was alone when I got that call. I remember the pain of hearing "gone". It is final when it's referring to that. My mother, gone, never to rise like the sun again, but she rises in my mind, in my heart and protects me from the thoughts and feelings to which I cannot control. She is the sun in the days when my darkness is not lit up by the moon....and she continues on in her life after this one. I can still look at the sun and smile. It sometimes smiles back...causing a salt-filled droplet in the corner of my different than the drops that filled up the ocean....mixed with the rain that made it to land so many years ago.

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