Wednesday, April 1, 2009

turning tables

Hello All! And April Fools on you all. I wonder some times….we have all these rules and what not to play by in life and society and even in the democracy of the United States we might have people in our lives that may try to come down on us or “rule” us in some way. Some mentally. Some even telepathically. It amuses me in some sense.

People are not always used to the reaction you may give them when something is said or done. I can admit. I have also been guilty, but I almost laugh when some people can’t even accept the other-than-expected reaction to something. None of us are the same, so why would any of us expect any one to react the same way about something. If you act outside of what’s expected you are somehow breaking norms, but I don’t really agree. You react the way you react because that’s just the natural fashion of who you are. The word pushover comes to mind.

What kind of person would you be if you just let someone run all over you and you just kept your reaction all bottled up inside? Wouldn’t that be a slight of the person you are deep down? The person you were raised to or not raised to be? I’ve seen this reaction go both ways. From the utterly insanely happy to the downright raging anger. Both are very extreme, but I don’t care to knock them. I give people a lot of credit for being able to express themselves. The people that got across to me the most in life were the people that I genuinely felt an emotional tie to. I could feel the joy or pain coming through in their reaction to something that happened. I’ve never been one to just go with the flatline that can sometimes be life. Wake, work, dinner, sleep. And begin again. It’s just so damn boring. Yeah, simple is good, but simple does not mean “without emotion”.

Recently a close friend told me they were having some problems in their relationship and they were angry about it. I understood where they were coming from, but while I noticed the hint of anger and talked about their feelings/emotions regarding the relationship, I noticed another thing about the person. I noticed that they never said “I’m done” or “I’m out of here” or “I quit”. I give this person the utmost respect in life and have watched them develop into a really great parent and spouse. At that moment it shed some light on some things in that type of committed relationship. It seems a lot easier to quit than it does to make it work. But nothing worthwhile ever came easy, did it? Jobs, degrees, success, body, happiness…no one would ever sit there and say their life was simple and easy. Even if I thought it was in my eyes, I wouldn’t slight someone like that and say they had it easy.

All I can say with regard to emotions is recognize them when they do occur. Whether it’s coming from you or being directed toward you. If you’re the other half of the equation it usually means that person really cares about you. Try and respect that emotion. If it’s positive, hold on to it. If it’s negative, at least care enough about the person to work through and actually give a shit about why they act the way they act. I’ve learned that the way people act is often drastically different than me assuming they may act because of certain variables. If you’re a guy reading this, 99% of the time you’re wrong. If you’re a girl reading this you’re probably wrong 98% of the time. The unspoken misunderstanding of a relationship is often what destroys something that was or could be pretty special. So speak the #@$! Up!

Too often we spend so much time thinking we know the answers to questions we never want to ask. It’s almost painful to recount that through your life. Or having the interest to ask your mother or father about how they felt when they had you. A question a child probably would never ask their parent, but thinking about that makes me want to ask my mother how she felt that day.

On Saturday I had some interesting conversation with MA. Lots of questions and answers and just plain laughs at the “show” that is our lives. I had a question for him that I knew the answer and it was evident. “Did it fail?” “Well, we’re no longer seeing those people, so you tell me?” A good laugh. A good laugh at failure, but not the failure to get through it by talking it over with a friend. Why didn’t it work out? Easy. It didn’t work out because it wasn’t supposed to work out. Can time change that? Maybe. Can people change that? Possibly. But time and people change and our lives change with them. What was once desirable becomes less impressive. What once went unnoticed and overlooked now becomes paramount and obvious. What is interesting is that nothing is failure that leads to grow and move on to a better life. It took me a while to realize that a few years ago. You can even laugh at memories that were once bad because well, you have to. I had to keep bringing something up to MA. I think my moral became “change the little things so the important thing can stay and grow”. I think I’m someone who can overlook or get past some of the little imperfections, but looking back, don’t you almost appreciate their abnormality?

I feel sorry for those people who don’t respect emotions. Most likely they don’t even respect their own.

Welcome to the show.

"The most important things to say are those which often I did not think necessary for me to say -- because they were too obvious." -André Gide

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