"If you take the journey, you will get to the state in which you see exactly how the unfolding moments bring up a sense of fear. From this place of clarity, you will be able to experience the powerful tendency to protet yourself. This tendency exists because you truly have no control, and that is not comfortable to you. But if you really want to break through, you have to be willing to just watch the fear without protecting yourself from it. You must be willing to see that this need to protect yourself is where the entire personality comes from. It was created by building a mental and emotional structure to get away from the sense of fear. You are now standing face-to-face with the root of the psyche...."
After being abroad many times over the years. Seeing rich and poor nations and people, Americans are definitely living in a state of fear. I think the fear comes up from the thought of building a life, getting to that long term vision, then being part of the build (fortress) and then you've built up so much around you, you don't really experience anything cause you've protected yourself for so long. You've become weak cause you control everything in your world. You've become vulnerable to change and you can't adapt. You are in essence controlling what may actually make you grow as a person. Life happens and hurt happens. Americans (and I am one) surround themselves with way artificial ways to make them feel better. Drugs, booze, cars, houses, vacations, clothes, health kicks, drugs to change appearance....etc etc. The thing we aren't usually changing with all that stuff is our inner self. We are doing all these outside things for the here and the now, but our inside is still made of glass and fragile. I realize that more now at 47 than I did 27. Having gone through some serious pain and loss. Unfortunately, I don't think you really know how human and mortal you are until you have suffered in some great way. It might sound dark, but you only know how deep your love is when the thing you love is gone forever. This could be a myriad of things.
There are days when I realize the amount of loss I have gone through can both make me feel invincible and vulnerable; depending on the moment or what is going on in my body. I think both are fine.
I guess it comes down to, how strong do you really believe you are? Are you totally insulated out of control? Out of your need to not experience hurt? Are you just in your own little world? Or are you using something as a prop or an excuse? Like you are some homesteader who is living on his own land and the weird idea "it's just me and my family"....while a Starbucks light keeps you up at night?
It may take a lifetime to figure you out.
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