Goodbye Pop Pop

I’ve been trying to think of a way to word this and speak my mind, so here it goes. Our immediate and extended family recently lost one of our truly great men. My grandfather, Joseph Francis Kenney was the true embodiment of family and at 83 years old, he was my best friend. He was the oldest of four and the last surviving member of his siblings. It’s ironic because I think his sole purpose on Earth was to be a father of four great kids, one being my great mother Patricia. I lived with him for 4 years after my grandmother passed; some of the best years of my life. My close family and friends know that much of my spare time was spent with him just driving around Delco and The Shore, having a simple meal anywhere we could find a booth and talk (Dino’s in Seaville, Denny’s on “The Golden Mile”, and countless conversations about all things Philly and life. The guy loved the simple life. All he ever wanted was a friend to talk to or someone to “shoot the shit” with. He taught me so much about our past. What it was like when JFK was shot, where he was when we landed on the moon, the Catholic Church, and all things in between. Nothing was off the table. 

Told me about the PTC, growing up on 52^nd and Stewart St in West Philly, his trips with my mom-mom to Niagara Falls, Florida, and their last Las Vegas, what his “Pappy” was like who had a shot and smoke once a day until he died at 98 (with all his hair he would always add), what The Shore was like before anyone lived there, and how he always wondered about how much concrete it took to build the Manayunk Bridge. Always had a good one-liner. I would be heading out to the gym and he’d say, “Tell Jim I said hi..” Or I’d say, “Take it easy…” He’d reply, “I’ll take it any way I can get it..” Always the ladies man. I usually delete voicemails and recently found tons of his funny messages on my work iPhone. Struck Gold. He fought the good fight the past 8 months. His selflessness expressed even as his body was failing him, he just wanted to get out of the hospital and back down The Shore to have some fun with his kids and grandchildren. He lost the ability to eat on his own early on and I promised him every visit we’d go for Leo’s cheesesteaks and two cold beers. When he lost the ability to speak, I started to learn how to lip read fairly well and he’d tell me how he wanted to leave the hospital so we could get in a two man paddle boat and he would even do the paddle motions and throw out a line from his hospital bed. 

I know many of my friends and family have lost loved ones near and dear to their heart. I wanted to write something so I’ll never forget him. When it all comes down to it, in the end, all we have is our friends and our family and that special bond will stay inside of us forever. I hope that everyone is lucky enough to have someone like my grandfather in their life. I was so fortunate to have him around for 36 years…and someday we’ll get to go fishing again.

Bob

passerby

The older I get, the more I learn about dealing with loss. Loss can be defined in so many ways. The loss of a loved one or a friend or mentor. The loss of a relationship with a significant other or close friend. The loss of the person you were 5, 10, 15 years ago. The loss of the drive to do the right thing or right wrongs in your life or others. I have dealt with some great losses in the last 3 years. The passing of seven close friends and family members. Each one a bit different, but all just as important as the other. I think of all of those situations and remember how each one of those losses really changed my thoughts on life and relationships. Those thoughts that hit you the moment you've learned of a loved one passing. Like all the memories you shared with them come splashing into your face with such a vibrant and warm wave. I like to think about that way because it leaves content in knowing of all the time they had on Earth, I was able to spend some time with them. I definitely have learned to cherish more relationships the last few years. It's not always a matter of how much time you spend with someone, but rather your conveyance of love and support that they know they can rely on. Those difficult moments in life when you know that a person is truly open to helping and caring for you. None of us is perfect, but I've definitely learned a lot more about unconditional love in regards to family and relationships. That moment in your mind when you think of a person and realize that your life just would not be complete without. I try and take more time telling people that I am really happy they are doing well, making their lives great, creating families, growing their list of friends, or just trying to get by with a little hard work and desire and love in their hearts. Sometimes we ourselves yearn to be a person we were some time ago. Sometimes we're just trying to be a better version of the person we were yesterday. In any case, hold on to life and those relationships you cherish. A memory is still a memory regardless if it's 15 minutes or 15 days long. I am so thankful for those I have passed through life with, but I am also excited about those I will go through the future with. Whoever it is you may have on your mind, a parent, a friend, a wife, a husband, a sibling, or someone that impacted your life in a positive way...reach out to them. Say I love you. In the old days, a man appeared weak for saying that to the people he cared for. I try and say it as often as I can these days as you really never truly know if you will see that person again and it's just a great feeling for them to know they are loved by someone.

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that new world is born. - Anais Nin

Chime in

I hate smartphones and social media. They're like water droppers in a hamster cage. We've become so preoccupied with the actions or lack thereof from "important" people in our lives that we stop living for ourselves and the people and times we really want to have in our life. We start worrying about what we think we should care about and not what really care about. I'd give up so much to get so much more out of the relationships that mean the most to me. They fade, dissipate and we are left wondering what's next? What should I put my energy into next? What do I really want to do and who do I want to bring with me on this next adventure? So much more to life than some can see.


Sent from my iPhone

window out

All this snow on the East Coast this week. I read a post from a friend that made a lot of sense. Maybe this is God's way to keep us in, close to our loved ones, close to family, or maybe even just alone to enjoy some time. Slow the process, slow life down to these moments looking out at nature's wrath and realizing the futility of mankind. We are such small pieces in this world and in the universe. A snow storm, to help us realize that we can soon be incapacitated. For families, a time to enjoy your loved ones and talk or play games. A good meal, a warm blanket, a good movie. Moments that can't be recreated or duplicated. It's this day, this week in time, the snow storm of February 2014. Enjoy it, enjoy them, enjoy the view from inside.

And meanwhile in France....

listen

Sometimes we can fall into a state of reminisce with such a simple subtlety that you fall into that moment that seems timeless or that time is in fact standing still. You might be physically and mentally frozen in a state of capture. Minutes or hours may pass and you spend a few moments shaking your head or experiencing the chills of happiness, sadness, or just wonderment.

I think music is a great medium that extracts that feeling out of us. You hear a song and you can sit and stare or you are in a state of tranced movement where the colors are a blur of sounds, music, friends, lights, and energy. Today I sat and listened and thought about what the music meant to me at the time I first heard it. I thought about the song and who first suggested I listen to it. I think we have those moments. You may or may not know what I’m talking about, but surely if you have ears and can hear, you can identify with the feeling. As the song plays you run through a kaleidoscope of memories, so fast you may wish that you could replay it again and again. Maybe on a big screen. Maybe in a private viewing though….

I have a good amount of friends who are into music. Some make their own. Some produce. Some are so talented they have no idea how much I admire them. Some play instruments. Some play on a keyboard. Some of you just like to listen and let the music play you. Maybe wonder where the people you first heard those songs with are at in their lives. Maybe you’re like me and you keep those mental snapshots and music is there. In the background as you were running through your life. If you’re like me, a city dweller, maybe music goes with you everywhere you go.

Today I listened to the words of this song. I heard them and they still resonated as they did the first time I heard it. Still a very powerful song and I’m left asking questions. I’m left with no conclusion, but I am smiling and shaking my head. A grin more like it. I got the message when I heard the song. It was their way of saying sorry without saying sorry. Maybe if you can do just that, play a song that is what you want to say to someone. I guess that’s just the same as saying it, but that song will play again and well, the statement will be timeless. What is ironic that no matter what feelings the song may bring about, you will listen to it, right?

I’m happy the song came on today. The song is still good. Just like the person who first suggested I listen to it. I’ve once been told that I was a bit of a “cold” person. I guess, maybe so in person, but maybe that’s why I am forced to write even if no one ever even reads. I figure if I can write like this than there’s something in there. The song of the Tin Man from Wizard of Oz comes to mind…..but no man is made of metal.

I left a part out.

Where words fail, music speaks.
-Hans Christian Andersen

out of office

You know how sometimes you send someone an email and you get their out of office reply message? What do you usually do when that happens? I mean, this person probably has a back-up who has a back-up who backs him up who backs her up. Right? I think sometimes it can kinda go that way for the big guy upstairs. I know some of us rely on faith while others just go with the flow, but all of us at some point in time say, “Please God….” If you don’t say God, maybe you say Buddha, Ancient dude, Dali Lama, or Bill Gates….

Whatever your flavor, we’ve all asked for help at certain times. In times of need or times of support, I think that we help calm our emotions and minds by saying a little something internally. For me, those words have come at simple times and at dire-straights times. Walking up to the plate to face the pitcher in college or walking up to the judge to beg for mercy. Walking into an interview or walking out on a relationship. Walking away from a parent or walking towards your next love. Walking away from an accident or walking into the room as your wife is giving birth. Walking out of a cell or walking into freedom.

We’ve all said a little something. So you say something and wonder if anyone hears you. Is there someone out there listening to your requests. Or are you getting an arbitrary out of office from above? I guess these days you just go to the back-up. The person or um, being next in line to grant your wishes. It’s good to get these thoughts out to a friend, family member or confidant. I love hearing about people’s lives. I love hearing about their hopes and dreams and the excitement it brings them. It always instills in me that belief that it’s good to strive for things you want in life.

Giving advice can be a double-edged sword though and I have come far enough to know that giving advice is like throwing a paper airplane off a roof. You never know which direction it will take, but you know at some point it will land. Does that make sense or did I just talk some shit? What I mean is that sometimes, people close to us want advice. You give advice to two types of people. People that listen and absorb. And people who do nothing but listen and give you 1,000 reasons why you’re wrong and don’t know any better. A few close friends. The principal, the police officer, the city of Philadelphia, might say I was the person who doesn’t listen. But really, I think we do a little bit of both a different points of life. I mean, did anyone want to hear, “underage drinking is bad. You’re breaking the law son!” when you were enjoying your senior year or senior summer out of high school and getting wasted every night? NO! That’s what I mean.

I recently gave a person close to me advice and all they did was give me reasons why I was wrong. So I just gave up. I didn’t give up on the person, but I gave up on giving them advice and now have to sit idly by as they walk through the field of dynamite and roses called “the early twenties”. What the person doesn’t understand is that the advice-giver is affected by the actions the advice-receiver takes. Otherwise, why would the giver feel the need to provide guidance? It took me almost a decade or so to understand this logic, but I see it more and more as I am the giver. I’ve made the mistakes not to teach lessons, but by my own carelessness and unintelligent decisions. I guess we’ve all been there at one time or another. Probably just at different levels of severity.

I guess all I’m saying is that advice is only as good as the audience receiving it is willing to listen and learn. Otherwise, it’s a lot of white noise.

My advice to you this weekend is to have fun. I don’t care what that entails because your life is not my life, but be safe while doing so because people around you care about you.

Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands. -Anne Frank

penny pincher

Wow. Sometimes I am really thankful I can be so informed 24-7 of all that is going on. Sometimes I hate the fact that I can be so informed 24-7 of all that is going on. As if the strain on every socioeconomic class in America is not enough, we’re going around the social security benefit being depleted again. Once again this subject is coming up. 8.9 % of Americans are currently out of work. I’m not sure they are concerned with the year 2037 or 2083. They might be more concerned with today.

That means Social Security will have to turn to its trust fund to make up the difference between Social Security taxes and the benefits being paid out beginning in 2016. The trustees projected the trust fund would be depleted in 2037, four years earlier than the 2041 date in last year's report.

At that point, the annual Social Security taxes collected would be enough to pay for three-fourths of current benefits through 2083. To tap the trust fund, the government would have to increase borrowing or raise taxes because Social Security bonds exist only as bookkeeping entries.

Okay, so people in the 21 to 34 age group might be good until 2083. There goes my plan on living to be 105. Okay. I get it. The country is hurting; physically, mentally, financially, and socially. I just get tired of the money media, wall street, cnnmoney.com, yahoo finance, AOL Money, etc. I mean, I keep up with current events. I keep up with the world. I keep up with friends. Does anyone wonder why social-networking sites have grown exponentially in the past 3 years? Maybe because I’d rather find out about my friend having a baby, a buddy getting engaged, someone having a party, or maybe just glancing over some pictures a person posted. Why the hell would I want to continue to read that life won’t be getting better for a whole lot of people? I know. I have to face reality, but how many of you might pick up a novel, an autobiography, a magazine about improving your self-image rather than dwell on the current state of affairs?

As if job loss, unemployment benefit increase, homelessness, hunger, and loss of a secure future aren’t frightening enough. Maybe someone will suggest that I don’t want to deal with real-life problems, but I’ve been one of the 8.9% in the past and do understand that feeling. It is not something I enjoyed. I learned a lot from it. I learned I would take any job to have income. No job is ever too menial, demeaning, discouraging, or disheartening as long as there’s a roof over your head and food in the bellies of your loved ones.

I never thought I would loathe uber-rich & super-duper successful people so much as I do now. We’re not talking about the people who make a few bucks. I’m talking about the people that clear a few million or more a year as individuals. Hiding US dollars overseas and creating trust-fund babies that will only help themselves. We need to look closer at the people holding the strings. There is no way a man like Bernie Madoff and a few buddies could throw a rock across the economic pond and have it cause as many ripples as it did.

Mr. SEC chairman? Would it have been a better clue if Madoff had a Dalmatian with dollar signs for spots? Or maybe a huge gated entrance made of gold with dollar signs as handles? Guess not. Could of just been an episode of CRIBS, right?

Am I ranting yet? Probably. I guess that with all of these oversight committees, the IRS, the SEC, the FBI, the FTC, the CIA, & the strong arm of the law that we’d be able to catch a one-man magic show. It’s all good. This guys family will have to endure years if not decades of pain just for having the name. I don’t even know if anyone is innocent in that situation because when you are making a billion a year everyone gets to enjoy that kind of living. I just don’t get how you might catch up to someone average who didn’t pay the appropriate city wage taxes or forgot to mention the school district they live in on their 1040, but you can’t catch a guy who had 3,200 clients, international accounts, and billions of dollars in stolen contributions & fake earnings on investments.

I know no one is impressed when a fisherman catches a guppy. They’re just a product of the hunt, so let them go. Go after the whales and you’ll be able to feed the tribe for a long time.
I think somewhere along the line these guys behind the curtains got the American Dream all mixed up after a few too many happy hours and few days of shredding in the back office. It really shouldn’t be too difficult to be ethical in business when the deterrent is prison, but I digress. I know the desire to be on top of the world can lead people to do ridiculous things in any facet of life. I’m not obtuse to that dynamic.

I guess I’m just confused as to how someone can live the life of a success while they are nothing but a fraud. I guess these days you can buy cred.

Have a great weekend. I’m off to Chicago to find a sugar momma. Just kidding. Really, I’m kidding.

If money be not they servant, it will be thy master. The covetous man cannot so properly be said to possess wealth, as that may be said to possess him. -Francis Bacon

b