I’ve hit a wall. I guess, like anyone, we all have thoughts about situations where we know we could end up getting the wrong end of the stick. I always speak up for people and speak up for myself. I know that some people don’t like to hear what may honestly be the truth about a situation. I mean, does anyone like hearing criticism? No. None of us do.
I am trying to search for the right answer in a very difficult and intense situation. Call me what you will, but I guess when I see something good I go after it. The thing is, I may go after it blindly and without consideration for the situation or people involved. I just think if you can say what’s on your mind and in your heart you are being true to yourself and the situation and if a person can’t respect that; then I guess there’s nothing to be said for the person.
At the time I find myself torn between going after something I want and being content in the safety of not taking a chance to open a can of worms. Anyone ever feel like this? Feel like you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t? I know it’s not just me. The principal always has some good advice. I mean, that’s what principals are supposed to do for kids. I guess I’m still a kid in some ways, but I like that. I like that I take people for what they show me and don’t dig deeper into their heads for some reason why I should doubt them. No one likes to be made a fool and consequences of playing around with a person’s emotions can vary. Since I finally grew up at the ripe age of like 29, I’ve learned that being angry and mean to someone will get you no where in life. Every situation can be handled in a way that both people can feel comfortable about saying what they want to say.
I sometimes cringe at the echoes of yells that sometimes occurred while I was growing up. Wondering if someone would hear and come and help out since I was too young to do anything. Wondering if this was the way “adults” sorted things out. I know we’ve all been involved in these types of situations as children, adolescents, or adults. It’s never a good thing. Nowadays when I feel a situation going towards that direction, I start to be quiet. I just tend to look away or think of something that emits serenity in life like the ocean, the beach, or an empty city sidewalk. I just don’t have much respect for people who yell just to hear their words over top of others. The most pertinent words will do damage regardless if they’re loud or silent.
After some thought about recent events, I wanted to make a decision to bail on the whole ordeal. It’s causing me to stress about stuff that is way out of my control. I really don’t want to control anything. I just want to have a chance for things to be right. And I guess that’s where the missing variable is in this equation. The “right thing to do” may be two different things to two different people at this point. In any case, I don’t bode well to dishonesty and beating around the bush and I’m not going to start.
I could sit here and say that age, experience and wisdom can have something to do with being indecisive, but I’m just too smart for that. I think many of the same thoughts I did all along life. My actions may not have always followed, but in the end, being true to yourself and the people or person you care about can take you safely down a many a road in life.
"Life's rewards go to those who let their actions rise above their excuse"- Lee J. Colan
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
jump in
I went and saw a movie this weekend. It was called he’s just not that into you. I had a feeling that it was the proverbial “chic flick” but was pleasantly surprised that it turned out to be a very contemporary movie that resonates with the 21-34 generation. The myspacers and socially-inept dynamic group that includes “texting” as a personal trait. There were a lot of situations in the movie that hit close to home. It crossed over a few different types of relationships. The single guys and girls, the new relationships, the marriages, the soon to be over relationship. I don’t want to go into the whole movie, but I agreed with a few things the actors said during the course of the movie.
One female character said to a male character that he had spent so much time being single that he forgot what it was like to want to love someone, but that she was a lot closer to finding someone than he was.
In another part of the movie, a character said he couldn’t be remotely close to happy if you (his girlfriend/fiancée) aren’t happy.
I can agree with both statements. People don’t realize how truly happy they can be when they’re involved in something that is so pure, so innocent, so positive and so exciting. Trusting someone with your feelings is never easy to do. As humans, we seem to want control over everything. I think feelings are something that we can easily lose control over when we let them get in the wrong hands. When I say wrong hands, I have to explain. I know everyone thinks that the people that we think my care the most about us have good intentions; it’s not always the case. What I say is that you get back what you put in.
This past weekend I through the rules out the window. When convention may have told me that what I was doing was wrong, I still did what I wanted. I even had a hard time getting in the cab and telling him where to drive. I was nervous walking into the bar, but it was one of those times where I knew what I wanted to do and I didn’t care about crossing over the right-wrong lines. I didn’t break any laws. And I didn’t damage any property. But I took a chance and I turned out to get exactly what I wanted out of the night. And that’s not always the way I choose to live. I usually respect a situation or what people tell me, but sometimes you just get tired of putting your happiness in the back seat for the sake of not stirring the pot. I may not go after something I want. I may wait for things to develop, but on this night, I just felt like I didn’t have time to waste pondering about what if’s? What if’s will never be answered if you do absolutely nothing.
Could I be any more vague about what happened? I guess I’m respecting a person’s privacy, so think what you will.
My point here goes back to a line in the movie. The general mantra of the movie’s main character. If someone wants to see you, they will make an effort to see you. If someone wants to be with you, they will do whatever it takes to be next to you. Get my point? I recently heard a story of some guy that blew some girl off to do his taxes. That could have been the worst excuse regardless if it was a lie or the truth. Taxes man? Come on now. Take the girl out!
I don’t know. I guess people could say that I think we have all the time in the world. I don’t think that which is exactly why I took fate into my own hands and changed what was going to happen. It’s ironic….we will go after careers we want. We will go after material items we want. We will go after that new look we want. We will go after that new scene we’re looking for. So what the hell? I guess sometimes the rules out the window and go after that thing that makes you smile.
Whether things turn out the way you want in life, it’s really great to live in a good moment. If you’re alone or with someone, it can still be something to cherish.
"Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved." -William Jennings Bryan
One female character said to a male character that he had spent so much time being single that he forgot what it was like to want to love someone, but that she was a lot closer to finding someone than he was.
In another part of the movie, a character said he couldn’t be remotely close to happy if you (his girlfriend/fiancée) aren’t happy.
I can agree with both statements. People don’t realize how truly happy they can be when they’re involved in something that is so pure, so innocent, so positive and so exciting. Trusting someone with your feelings is never easy to do. As humans, we seem to want control over everything. I think feelings are something that we can easily lose control over when we let them get in the wrong hands. When I say wrong hands, I have to explain. I know everyone thinks that the people that we think my care the most about us have good intentions; it’s not always the case. What I say is that you get back what you put in.
This past weekend I through the rules out the window. When convention may have told me that what I was doing was wrong, I still did what I wanted. I even had a hard time getting in the cab and telling him where to drive. I was nervous walking into the bar, but it was one of those times where I knew what I wanted to do and I didn’t care about crossing over the right-wrong lines. I didn’t break any laws. And I didn’t damage any property. But I took a chance and I turned out to get exactly what I wanted out of the night. And that’s not always the way I choose to live. I usually respect a situation or what people tell me, but sometimes you just get tired of putting your happiness in the back seat for the sake of not stirring the pot. I may not go after something I want. I may wait for things to develop, but on this night, I just felt like I didn’t have time to waste pondering about what if’s? What if’s will never be answered if you do absolutely nothing.
Could I be any more vague about what happened? I guess I’m respecting a person’s privacy, so think what you will.
My point here goes back to a line in the movie. The general mantra of the movie’s main character. If someone wants to see you, they will make an effort to see you. If someone wants to be with you, they will do whatever it takes to be next to you. Get my point? I recently heard a story of some guy that blew some girl off to do his taxes. That could have been the worst excuse regardless if it was a lie or the truth. Taxes man? Come on now. Take the girl out!
I don’t know. I guess people could say that I think we have all the time in the world. I don’t think that which is exactly why I took fate into my own hands and changed what was going to happen. It’s ironic….we will go after careers we want. We will go after material items we want. We will go after that new look we want. We will go after that new scene we’re looking for. So what the hell? I guess sometimes the rules out the window and go after that thing that makes you smile.
Whether things turn out the way you want in life, it’s really great to live in a good moment. If you’re alone or with someone, it can still be something to cherish.
"Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved." -William Jennings Bryan
Friday, February 20, 2009
cheers mate
I have always been both impressed and disappointed in a person’s free will. We really have the ability in this country to be anyone that we want. You can create your own identity, blend with a group, or mimic that of someone you admire. Individuality is the spirit of the human soul. Sure, we might all shop at the same haunts. We might buy identical items. We might even go to this one spot to get a burger along with about 100 billion other people do each day. The thing that truly makes an individual special is their mind. I am always impressed when people tell me exactly what they’re thinking. Just their thoughts on life, art, music, and the current events of the evening.
I love to listen to people talk about their lives. Some people love life so much it runs into the color of your own life. We have so many social mediums to use these days. Myspace, Facebook, Twitter, phones, cell, texting. I mean, we all seem to want to show people our lives and want them to be a part of every scene. I relish that. I enjoyed it a lot last week when my friend D made it a point to not just settle for what he was doing that night. He had said he was going to come down to my part of town, but well, things changed. D has a daughter so I give him so much more lee-way because I really respect him as a father because I am not there yet. To be the person he is and live the way he does, he really has no time to himself and his thoughts. As where I, well, maybe I do have time on my hands even if I don’t wear a watch. So D said he was coming down and had to wait for a babysitter or something like that. I was in the city, so I took the train back into my neighborhood, stopped at home for a second, and then met him and his new ladyfriend down at a place called Tonic. Just some drinks and some good chat. But see, this is where the human part comes in. You know how you know people enjoy your company? Simple. They smile when they greet you and most likely give you a hug. D is a good friend and we’ve shared a number of good times together. But he never shirks his extroverted greeting to his friends. And when I enter the place and see my buddy D, we own it. We’re loud. We’re obnoxious. We’re even white trash. I often refer to my real close friends that I came up with as. I mean, we’re all lower than some socioeconomic class above us right? Lower-lower, middle-lower, upper-lower, lower-middle, middle-middle, upper-middle…you see where I’m going. So we greet, share a brief man-bear-hug and just say, “what’s up?” As is customary with D, I get the, “Yo B, this is insert first name here. Isn’t she a great girl?” Yeah D, she’s diamonds man. And with that we enjoy some laughs, some drinks, some stories, and the occasional “hun, how ya doing? Can I make you breakfast tomorrow morning?” We are always joking. On this nite, D’s company fit in very nicely. I think she was shocked by D’s comments and the fact that I could care less what I was wearing much less saying that night. It was all good.
I left D and his ladyfriend when they went to drive home. Ended up being that battery was dead and the car wouldn’t start. I consider this a very clear sign that D was not meant to drive home that night and I’m happy he didn’t. I’ve lost enough in life, but losing friends is not something I am ready to deal with in this part of my life.
All I can say is that I hope everyone gets to enjoy friendships like the one above. So much time is lost on trivial things these days that I don’t think we get enough time with our friends. I wish nites like last weekend would last forever, but the bar does have to close and we all have to go home.
In the next few weeks and months, take a few minutes and stop and look around when you’re out with friends. Notice the colors of the walls, the looks on people’s faces, the taste of the air and the smells around you. Listen to the lyrics in the music a little closer. Talk to that girl or guy a little bit longer. Find out one more thing about them that they just want to tell you.
I’ve been lucky with friends. Most of them have always supported me and been there when I need them most. I am so very thankful for that. Enjoy your friends. Enjoy life.
"We live for the nights we'll never remember with the people we'll never forget." – Daryll Slaughter
b
I love to listen to people talk about their lives. Some people love life so much it runs into the color of your own life. We have so many social mediums to use these days. Myspace, Facebook, Twitter, phones, cell, texting. I mean, we all seem to want to show people our lives and want them to be a part of every scene. I relish that. I enjoyed it a lot last week when my friend D made it a point to not just settle for what he was doing that night. He had said he was going to come down to my part of town, but well, things changed. D has a daughter so I give him so much more lee-way because I really respect him as a father because I am not there yet. To be the person he is and live the way he does, he really has no time to himself and his thoughts. As where I, well, maybe I do have time on my hands even if I don’t wear a watch. So D said he was coming down and had to wait for a babysitter or something like that. I was in the city, so I took the train back into my neighborhood, stopped at home for a second, and then met him and his new ladyfriend down at a place called Tonic. Just some drinks and some good chat. But see, this is where the human part comes in. You know how you know people enjoy your company? Simple. They smile when they greet you and most likely give you a hug. D is a good friend and we’ve shared a number of good times together. But he never shirks his extroverted greeting to his friends. And when I enter the place and see my buddy D, we own it. We’re loud. We’re obnoxious. We’re even white trash. I often refer to my real close friends that I came up with as. I mean, we’re all lower than some socioeconomic class above us right? Lower-lower, middle-lower, upper-lower, lower-middle, middle-middle, upper-middle…you see where I’m going. So we greet, share a brief man-bear-hug and just say, “what’s up?” As is customary with D, I get the, “Yo B, this is insert first name here. Isn’t she a great girl?” Yeah D, she’s diamonds man. And with that we enjoy some laughs, some drinks, some stories, and the occasional “hun, how ya doing? Can I make you breakfast tomorrow morning?” We are always joking. On this nite, D’s company fit in very nicely. I think she was shocked by D’s comments and the fact that I could care less what I was wearing much less saying that night. It was all good.
I left D and his ladyfriend when they went to drive home. Ended up being that battery was dead and the car wouldn’t start. I consider this a very clear sign that D was not meant to drive home that night and I’m happy he didn’t. I’ve lost enough in life, but losing friends is not something I am ready to deal with in this part of my life.
All I can say is that I hope everyone gets to enjoy friendships like the one above. So much time is lost on trivial things these days that I don’t think we get enough time with our friends. I wish nites like last weekend would last forever, but the bar does have to close and we all have to go home.
In the next few weeks and months, take a few minutes and stop and look around when you’re out with friends. Notice the colors of the walls, the looks on people’s faces, the taste of the air and the smells around you. Listen to the lyrics in the music a little closer. Talk to that girl or guy a little bit longer. Find out one more thing about them that they just want to tell you.
I’ve been lucky with friends. Most of them have always supported me and been there when I need them most. I am so very thankful for that. Enjoy your friends. Enjoy life.
"We live for the nights we'll never remember with the people we'll never forget." – Daryll Slaughter
b
Thursday, February 19, 2009
stripes
A friend of mine had a comment in his status that said something about how people never learn. So I made a few comments and he said “a tiger can’t change his stripes”. I know exactly what he’s referring to without going into much detail. And please readers don’t hate me for saying some of the things I might say or think here, but…..
How, in this day and age, do guys, any guys, get away with treating women like shit? I just don’t understand it. What makes me more confused is that to some sick individuals this seems like a healthy way of maintaining a relationship. The give & take, the back & forth, the yin & yang. The constant wavering of emotions that go up and down with the rising and setting of the sun. I know, I know some of you will say, “oh, that’s part of every relationship…..” Man, some of the stuff I’ve heard the past few years would make a normal guy cringe. I can say that while I was in school it was okay to have a little, okay, I was knee-deep in it 24-7, but I can blame my womanizing & selfish ways. Ahhh. College was a really special time. Ha. You know the deal. Anyhow, I just don’t get with all these people in the world girls stress about one specific guy. I almost KO’d my sister when she called me crying about some local clown who just set her up to look stupid. I put it as plain as I could. Get away from him. He’s a clown. He’ll make you look bad once, he’ll definitely do it again.
Don’t think you ladies are getting off scott-free, but it is quite not at the level that some guys try to go to. I guess I can say that’s a good thing or we’d have a lot of teary-eyed bellyachers lining the streets of my city looking for reasons why Sally ran off or no longer says “I love you” before she goes to bed. I know women sometimes like to play that dominant player role, but I think they’re fooling themselves. I had a conversation with LC just the other night. I said that most girls do want to get married at some point. For guys, some of them would have no problem aging on a barstool that was in the middle of passing women like cattle do at an auction. I know this because rarely will you see so many older, lonely women as you do men at a bar or venue. Now, I don’t know if these guys are happy, but that’s their business.
My concern is that I sometimes think, and this goes for people as close as family members, that some women would rather be in something that sucks than be alone. Is this really true? I know over time that some girls start to get it and get out of that rut, but man, it seems to take years and lifetimes and the next time you see them they’re a different person.
Someone recently said to me that they were surprised I wasn’t married yet. I don’t really see this being a big surprise, but maybe that’s because I know the person I am. Had I gotten married to one of the two girls I’ve been involved with the last decade; I know neither of us would have been happy with life. They spared me and I spared them. My response to the person who said they were surprised was that I am intensely picky about spending lots of time with someone. It’s not that I pick apart someone’s personality, but well, you gotta have the qualities I look for. I think we all search for that in a mate, but on the flip side, I find it totally knee-buckling when someone I wouldn’t be attracted to attracts me to them. Maybe that’s what you found in your current relationship. The Yin to your Yang. Or the Moe to your Curly. Wait, were Moe, Larry & Curly? No wayyyyyyy.
Anyhow, Spring is coming towards us. Put away the sweaters and overcoats and layers. Undress a little more when you head out to the bar. A little bit more life in the air with the leaves and trees in the Northeast starting to come back out of their winter thaw. I always joke around with my friend LC when the weather starts getting warm. It’s like the b right of spring mantra. Single or in a relationship I say the same thing. It might sound a bit immature to some of you, but you know I don’t really care. I say, “L, it’s getting warmer out! And you know what that means??!!! People are wearing less clothing…” Now that might come off as sounding like everyone should running around jumping people, but all I’m saying is when it starts to get warmer you just seem to feel more alive and willing.
And as I am writing this an article popped up on Yahoo! It said “Indian Woman gets married for the 23rd time….” She said “It gets lonely….” I mean, she’s 68, so what, she was married once every two years? I guess when she invited men in to see her place they’d see shoes, some belts, and wedding dress hanging up on the door. Ya know…just in case.
It's a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy.
-Lucille Ball
b
How, in this day and age, do guys, any guys, get away with treating women like shit? I just don’t understand it. What makes me more confused is that to some sick individuals this seems like a healthy way of maintaining a relationship. The give & take, the back & forth, the yin & yang. The constant wavering of emotions that go up and down with the rising and setting of the sun. I know, I know some of you will say, “oh, that’s part of every relationship…..” Man, some of the stuff I’ve heard the past few years would make a normal guy cringe. I can say that while I was in school it was okay to have a little, okay, I was knee-deep in it 24-7, but I can blame my womanizing & selfish ways. Ahhh. College was a really special time. Ha. You know the deal. Anyhow, I just don’t get with all these people in the world girls stress about one specific guy. I almost KO’d my sister when she called me crying about some local clown who just set her up to look stupid. I put it as plain as I could. Get away from him. He’s a clown. He’ll make you look bad once, he’ll definitely do it again.
Don’t think you ladies are getting off scott-free, but it is quite not at the level that some guys try to go to. I guess I can say that’s a good thing or we’d have a lot of teary-eyed bellyachers lining the streets of my city looking for reasons why Sally ran off or no longer says “I love you” before she goes to bed. I know women sometimes like to play that dominant player role, but I think they’re fooling themselves. I had a conversation with LC just the other night. I said that most girls do want to get married at some point. For guys, some of them would have no problem aging on a barstool that was in the middle of passing women like cattle do at an auction. I know this because rarely will you see so many older, lonely women as you do men at a bar or venue. Now, I don’t know if these guys are happy, but that’s their business.
My concern is that I sometimes think, and this goes for people as close as family members, that some women would rather be in something that sucks than be alone. Is this really true? I know over time that some girls start to get it and get out of that rut, but man, it seems to take years and lifetimes and the next time you see them they’re a different person.
Someone recently said to me that they were surprised I wasn’t married yet. I don’t really see this being a big surprise, but maybe that’s because I know the person I am. Had I gotten married to one of the two girls I’ve been involved with the last decade; I know neither of us would have been happy with life. They spared me and I spared them. My response to the person who said they were surprised was that I am intensely picky about spending lots of time with someone. It’s not that I pick apart someone’s personality, but well, you gotta have the qualities I look for. I think we all search for that in a mate, but on the flip side, I find it totally knee-buckling when someone I wouldn’t be attracted to attracts me to them. Maybe that’s what you found in your current relationship. The Yin to your Yang. Or the Moe to your Curly. Wait, were Moe, Larry & Curly? No wayyyyyyy.
Anyhow, Spring is coming towards us. Put away the sweaters and overcoats and layers. Undress a little more when you head out to the bar. A little bit more life in the air with the leaves and trees in the Northeast starting to come back out of their winter thaw. I always joke around with my friend LC when the weather starts getting warm. It’s like the b right of spring mantra. Single or in a relationship I say the same thing. It might sound a bit immature to some of you, but you know I don’t really care. I say, “L, it’s getting warmer out! And you know what that means??!!! People are wearing less clothing…” Now that might come off as sounding like everyone should running around jumping people, but all I’m saying is when it starts to get warmer you just seem to feel more alive and willing.
And as I am writing this an article popped up on Yahoo! It said “Indian Woman gets married for the 23rd time….” She said “It gets lonely….” I mean, she’s 68, so what, she was married once every two years? I guess when she invited men in to see her place they’d see shoes, some belts, and wedding dress hanging up on the door. Ya know…just in case.
It's a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy.
-Lucille Ball
b
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
table for one please
So a few people asked me why I’m not posting as much. Believe me, it’s not easy to come up with interesting stuff 24-7. I mean, if I wrote about my real life, that shit would be interesting, but I’d also probably be disowned from work, friends, family, society, & the planet. Anyhow, it’s still all good. Thought I was getting sick, but nothing ten hours of sleep couldn’t cure.
I was just telling the principal that I think he’s working too hard these days. We all need a break now and then. Some people more than others. I mean, the guy has been going at it for a few months (I can’t be too easy on him since these educators of youth have summers off); but just the same. We all need to realize when we need to just go outside, sit on the steps and look out to the world (or as far as your eyes can see). I used to do that back in the old neighborhood. Just go outside of house and watch the cars pass on a crisp winter day. It’s cold, but it’s that good cold like you breathe in at the top of a mountain you’re about to ski down. Deep breath in, deep breath out. It can help freeze your brain kinda like when you eat a slurpy too fast (I’ve never actually had a slurpy, so substitute anything that gives you “brain freeze”). Anyhow, these past few months have also been busy for me, but I’ve always tried to view work as more of a challenge than a battle. I said to my grandfather last night, there’s two types of stress. Toxic stress and good stress. I know that may sound weird to some, so maybe I’ll explain…
Toxic stress is that crap you deal with when you have to hear some bellyache about how crappy their boyfriend or girlfriend is to them. Or when you have to stand in line to pay a ticket and some character in front of you just wants to tell the lady at the window his theories on why the world is unfair to him. Toxic stress is when family wants too much of your time and gives you reasons why they deserve this time.
Good stress is working your ass off and meeting that deadline. Good stress is trying to rush home to get flowers, bake a cake, light candles, and wrap a present before your significant other gets home on their birthday. Good stress is the beginning of a game and the end of the game. Win or Lose. I still get that feeling before the game. Go BOG in 2009. Good stress is doing whatever it takes to make it happen. I say make it happen because I really don’t know all of you that well at the current time. Some I saw last night. Some I haven’t seen since 1990. And some of you have passed away.
So you get my drift. Stop and think before you start passing toxic stress. I mean, we’re all guilty of it. I get caught up in the moment and let my emotions get the best of me sometimes, but I mean, we’re human. I admire the police officer for the way he is 99% of the time. With everything he’s been through in life, his demeanor remains the same. Cool & collected like Cool Hand Luke. He saved me and my mouth numerous times over the years, but without my mouth we’d never have gotten so much attention, right man?
We can all handle the good stress as long as it comes in bits and pieces and not every day. Life is tough enough.
I know some people, ha, all people like to blow off steam at the end of the week. I know we all do that in a number of ways and means. Whatever you fancy is cool with me. Just hold on to the rails as you go on that ride and follow these few simple words….
WATCH THE TRAM CAR PLEASE….A little humor for my Jersey Shore folks. Is it summer yet?
If you think you’re under pressure, you’re probably not, because when you really are, you don’t even have time to think about
-Ron de Jonge
I was just telling the principal that I think he’s working too hard these days. We all need a break now and then. Some people more than others. I mean, the guy has been going at it for a few months (I can’t be too easy on him since these educators of youth have summers off); but just the same. We all need to realize when we need to just go outside, sit on the steps and look out to the world (or as far as your eyes can see). I used to do that back in the old neighborhood. Just go outside of house and watch the cars pass on a crisp winter day. It’s cold, but it’s that good cold like you breathe in at the top of a mountain you’re about to ski down. Deep breath in, deep breath out. It can help freeze your brain kinda like when you eat a slurpy too fast (I’ve never actually had a slurpy, so substitute anything that gives you “brain freeze”). Anyhow, these past few months have also been busy for me, but I’ve always tried to view work as more of a challenge than a battle. I said to my grandfather last night, there’s two types of stress. Toxic stress and good stress. I know that may sound weird to some, so maybe I’ll explain…
Toxic stress is that crap you deal with when you have to hear some bellyache about how crappy their boyfriend or girlfriend is to them. Or when you have to stand in line to pay a ticket and some character in front of you just wants to tell the lady at the window his theories on why the world is unfair to him. Toxic stress is when family wants too much of your time and gives you reasons why they deserve this time.
Good stress is working your ass off and meeting that deadline. Good stress is trying to rush home to get flowers, bake a cake, light candles, and wrap a present before your significant other gets home on their birthday. Good stress is the beginning of a game and the end of the game. Win or Lose. I still get that feeling before the game. Go BOG in 2009. Good stress is doing whatever it takes to make it happen. I say make it happen because I really don’t know all of you that well at the current time. Some I saw last night. Some I haven’t seen since 1990. And some of you have passed away.
So you get my drift. Stop and think before you start passing toxic stress. I mean, we’re all guilty of it. I get caught up in the moment and let my emotions get the best of me sometimes, but I mean, we’re human. I admire the police officer for the way he is 99% of the time. With everything he’s been through in life, his demeanor remains the same. Cool & collected like Cool Hand Luke. He saved me and my mouth numerous times over the years, but without my mouth we’d never have gotten so much attention, right man?
We can all handle the good stress as long as it comes in bits and pieces and not every day. Life is tough enough.
I know some people, ha, all people like to blow off steam at the end of the week. I know we all do that in a number of ways and means. Whatever you fancy is cool with me. Just hold on to the rails as you go on that ride and follow these few simple words….
WATCH THE TRAM CAR PLEASE….A little humor for my Jersey Shore folks. Is it summer yet?
If you think you’re under pressure, you’re probably not, because when you really are, you don’t even have time to think about
-Ron de Jonge
Monday, February 16, 2009
in silence
So I got a lot messages over the weekend. Lots of surprises to. Like I said, I think we all think about things around that day, but I didn’t think that the feelings would be reciprocated as much as they were. A few surprises. A few words that caught me off guard. And some things were just things that I had no idea happened.
I guess the one thing that I realized after all the things that happened this weekend is the importance of a moment. I used to be a person who would just not talk about the way I felt. Even more so, the way I felt about anyone in my life. I guess as we get older, we realize that the great people around us are not always going to be around. Man, that makes me wish I had one more day to see my grandmother and tell her how special and great I really thought she was before she passed in 2001. It all happens so fast. In the blink of an eye someone special to you is gone from your life. Like passing traffic on the highway, we just see a blur and keep on driving.
The people I spoke to this weekend told me some things that I was not really aware of. One person told me what I really meant to them. Another told me that I was great. Another told me that they missed me in recent days. I spent Saturday night on the couch directly across from my best friend. My grandfather. I went out Friday night and did enough and just wanted to relax and talk. I guess some guys on here would think, “wtf?”, I’d rather be with some hot chic, out in the city, and having a blast. Well, I guess I really could have been out doing that, but I didn’t feel well and chose to spend some time with a person who is special to me. As I was doing this I was getting a lot of messages about things from the past. I guess even though myself and these people have gone our separate ways, I made an impression on their life.
In one situation the person told me that I had no idea how much I meant to them while we were seeing each other a few years ago. This really caught me off guard as I kind of thought it was just a fun summer thing. But that is my point, maybe there was so much more to be said that was never said. So much more to share that was not shared. I mean, I was honest and said that she would of made a great girlfriend or future wife, but at the time I didn’t think that far down the road. Nevertheless, I tried to turn a conversation positive and became selfless. I said that had she stayed with me she may have never met the wonderful guy she is now in a relationship with. While I bite my tongue and said that, I had to be honest about the way things had turned out. Since that time we’ve always been friends behind the scene and it almost makes me laugh that people think we have nothing in common. But we do. I don’t really consider that I was a sacrificial lamb, but rather a guy who wasn’t in a position to be in a relationship that summer.
It’s strange how we meet people throughout life. Every person I have ever come into personal contact with has had an effect on the person I am. Some I hold on to. Some I keep around. Some I let go and find their way in life and some I just keep a distant memory. Do you believe that people in life are only supposed to be around for a specific time in your life? I really don’t know the answer to that question….
What stumps me more is when people move on and still think about their time with you days, months, years, and decades down the road. Almost makes you think, did I make the right choices or did this play out exactly how it was supposed to?
With all this being said please take just a few minutes to tell the people you care about most how you feel about them. I think about the poor families who had to deal with losing a loved one in recent weeks from the flight that crashed near Buffalo. I just get chills thinking of the final seconds of their lives and what goes through a person’s mind at that time. I really just can’t even fathom it.
A lot is going on in our lives right now and people that you think know you love them may not be so aware. Or that person who you think understands how much you mean to them may just think you’re a flash in the pan of their life. Even more so, your guy & girl friends may just want to hear your voice on the line and want you to ask them how their day was today. I always think I talk to much, but people have told me I am also a really good listener. Listen to your friends, your family, your co-workers, and even your lost friends. They might just have something to say that inspires you to say something you’ve been holding off on saying.
We had some good talks this weekend folks. It brings to mind a lyric from a favorite group of mine that sums up a lot of what I think about relationships past and present….
“In silence we still talk.” Alien by Bush.
b
I guess the one thing that I realized after all the things that happened this weekend is the importance of a moment. I used to be a person who would just not talk about the way I felt. Even more so, the way I felt about anyone in my life. I guess as we get older, we realize that the great people around us are not always going to be around. Man, that makes me wish I had one more day to see my grandmother and tell her how special and great I really thought she was before she passed in 2001. It all happens so fast. In the blink of an eye someone special to you is gone from your life. Like passing traffic on the highway, we just see a blur and keep on driving.
The people I spoke to this weekend told me some things that I was not really aware of. One person told me what I really meant to them. Another told me that I was great. Another told me that they missed me in recent days. I spent Saturday night on the couch directly across from my best friend. My grandfather. I went out Friday night and did enough and just wanted to relax and talk. I guess some guys on here would think, “wtf?”, I’d rather be with some hot chic, out in the city, and having a blast. Well, I guess I really could have been out doing that, but I didn’t feel well and chose to spend some time with a person who is special to me. As I was doing this I was getting a lot of messages about things from the past. I guess even though myself and these people have gone our separate ways, I made an impression on their life.
In one situation the person told me that I had no idea how much I meant to them while we were seeing each other a few years ago. This really caught me off guard as I kind of thought it was just a fun summer thing. But that is my point, maybe there was so much more to be said that was never said. So much more to share that was not shared. I mean, I was honest and said that she would of made a great girlfriend or future wife, but at the time I didn’t think that far down the road. Nevertheless, I tried to turn a conversation positive and became selfless. I said that had she stayed with me she may have never met the wonderful guy she is now in a relationship with. While I bite my tongue and said that, I had to be honest about the way things had turned out. Since that time we’ve always been friends behind the scene and it almost makes me laugh that people think we have nothing in common. But we do. I don’t really consider that I was a sacrificial lamb, but rather a guy who wasn’t in a position to be in a relationship that summer.
It’s strange how we meet people throughout life. Every person I have ever come into personal contact with has had an effect on the person I am. Some I hold on to. Some I keep around. Some I let go and find their way in life and some I just keep a distant memory. Do you believe that people in life are only supposed to be around for a specific time in your life? I really don’t know the answer to that question….
What stumps me more is when people move on and still think about their time with you days, months, years, and decades down the road. Almost makes you think, did I make the right choices or did this play out exactly how it was supposed to?
With all this being said please take just a few minutes to tell the people you care about most how you feel about them. I think about the poor families who had to deal with losing a loved one in recent weeks from the flight that crashed near Buffalo. I just get chills thinking of the final seconds of their lives and what goes through a person’s mind at that time. I really just can’t even fathom it.
A lot is going on in our lives right now and people that you think know you love them may not be so aware. Or that person who you think understands how much you mean to them may just think you’re a flash in the pan of their life. Even more so, your guy & girl friends may just want to hear your voice on the line and want you to ask them how their day was today. I always think I talk to much, but people have told me I am also a really good listener. Listen to your friends, your family, your co-workers, and even your lost friends. They might just have something to say that inspires you to say something you’ve been holding off on saying.
We had some good talks this weekend folks. It brings to mind a lyric from a favorite group of mine that sums up a lot of what I think about relationships past and present….
“In silence we still talk.” Alien by Bush.
b
Friday, February 13, 2009
last call
Well, it’s Friday. Even though work was difficult this week another weekend is once upon us. I don’t know what it is, but getting out of work on a Friday afternoon is just as exciting as the last day of school. I know it may sound childish, but around 4:45 I get that “butterfly” feeling in my stomach. Like, “I wonder what everyone’s up to tonight?” A past girlfriend of mine used to say, “You always want to be out and with everyone and having fun.” I thought this was a stupid statement. I think you can have just as much fun with a huge, raging group of people as you can with a few of your closest friends.
I miss the days of college when me, the principal, the police officer, and the slob would ham it up for hours in 620, my apartment. Maybe you’re like me and you always smile when you think back to your college days or days you spent living in some random city with new and exciting friends. All that innocence and chaos thrown into a place that you started to call your home away from home.
So yeah, it’s Friday and yes, I want to see what people are up to. I like meeting new people just as much as I like spending time with people in my life. It’s amazing what you find out about yourself when other people tell you what they think about you. Even if it’s not always good, it gives you a chance to grow as a person and develop into a more well-rounded person. Me and my sister L always butted heads when we get on the topic of what we think about each other. I guess that’s why I love her and admire her to no end. She’s never been afraid to tell me that she didn’t like this or that about me. And I think people these days hold back on telling the people they care about what they think about them. I guess it’s one of those things like damned if you do, damned if you don’t. I know L loves to speak her mind and I know she says it with care. I mean, I would have to believe that anyone who lived with 4 sisters in one room knows how to compromise, so maybe it’s not her, it’s the people around her who can’t compromise.
We’ve all had to compromise things in our lives, but I guess none of us want to compromise in a way that we know is basically against social norms or basic rules of society. We’re all bound to some loyalty to the ethics or morals or lack there of that we’ve grown accustomed to, right?
Someone recently made the statement “well, yeah, I wonder if you’re ever going to grow up?” I didn’t take offense to it because the person said it in a way that was both thought-provoking and endearing at the same time. My question back to her was “does being married and having children qualify me as growing up?” She kind of stared at me and said, “well, not really”. The point of those sentences is that while we could all easily have settled down with anyone, none of us wants to compromise our expectations on what we see as an ideal partner. And I think that’s great. I have four younger sisters and I always tell them that they deserve the best. And really, every girl does. I’d say the same for the guys, but well, being a guy, I’d say that some of us don’t deserve to be walking around with princesses on our arms.
I guess people will say that a person like me never wants to settle, but they’re wrong. I want to settle for the happiest I could possibly be. I don’t see anything wrong with that. I said to my friend LC last night. The games have changed, so you gotta change your playbook up. I then brought up S’s blog and said see what this girl says? She appreciate the speed at which dating progresses these days. And I said to LC, you can either be quickly in love with someone or quickly not in love with someone. Either way, its gonna keep moving. Just keep up and you’ll be fine.
You’ve heard of the term keeping up with the Joneses. Well, in relationships, you don’t have to keep up with anyone. Just follow your heart and you’ll be fine. If someone makes you feel good about yourself keep going back to that. If someone doesn’t make you feel good go away from that. I know it sounds so simple and I know that it’s not that easy, but you get the idea.
I’m feeling good about this weekend…..see you out in the city.
b
I miss the days of college when me, the principal, the police officer, and the slob would ham it up for hours in 620, my apartment. Maybe you’re like me and you always smile when you think back to your college days or days you spent living in some random city with new and exciting friends. All that innocence and chaos thrown into a place that you started to call your home away from home.
So yeah, it’s Friday and yes, I want to see what people are up to. I like meeting new people just as much as I like spending time with people in my life. It’s amazing what you find out about yourself when other people tell you what they think about you. Even if it’s not always good, it gives you a chance to grow as a person and develop into a more well-rounded person. Me and my sister L always butted heads when we get on the topic of what we think about each other. I guess that’s why I love her and admire her to no end. She’s never been afraid to tell me that she didn’t like this or that about me. And I think people these days hold back on telling the people they care about what they think about them. I guess it’s one of those things like damned if you do, damned if you don’t. I know L loves to speak her mind and I know she says it with care. I mean, I would have to believe that anyone who lived with 4 sisters in one room knows how to compromise, so maybe it’s not her, it’s the people around her who can’t compromise.
We’ve all had to compromise things in our lives, but I guess none of us want to compromise in a way that we know is basically against social norms or basic rules of society. We’re all bound to some loyalty to the ethics or morals or lack there of that we’ve grown accustomed to, right?
Someone recently made the statement “well, yeah, I wonder if you’re ever going to grow up?” I didn’t take offense to it because the person said it in a way that was both thought-provoking and endearing at the same time. My question back to her was “does being married and having children qualify me as growing up?” She kind of stared at me and said, “well, not really”. The point of those sentences is that while we could all easily have settled down with anyone, none of us wants to compromise our expectations on what we see as an ideal partner. And I think that’s great. I have four younger sisters and I always tell them that they deserve the best. And really, every girl does. I’d say the same for the guys, but well, being a guy, I’d say that some of us don’t deserve to be walking around with princesses on our arms.
I guess people will say that a person like me never wants to settle, but they’re wrong. I want to settle for the happiest I could possibly be. I don’t see anything wrong with that. I said to my friend LC last night. The games have changed, so you gotta change your playbook up. I then brought up S’s blog and said see what this girl says? She appreciate the speed at which dating progresses these days. And I said to LC, you can either be quickly in love with someone or quickly not in love with someone. Either way, its gonna keep moving. Just keep up and you’ll be fine.
You’ve heard of the term keeping up with the Joneses. Well, in relationships, you don’t have to keep up with anyone. Just follow your heart and you’ll be fine. If someone makes you feel good about yourself keep going back to that. If someone doesn’t make you feel good go away from that. I know it sounds so simple and I know that it’s not that easy, but you get the idea.
I’m feeling good about this weekend…..see you out in the city.
b
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