Sometimes I see things that just make me laugh. I laugh in a good way. A “I knew you were thinking the same thing” or “thinking about such and such way”…It’s funny how much is said with simple actions rather than a complex lineage of grammar. Get that? I’m part man, part thesaurus. Never a boring conversation. Ha!
Anyhow, I ask myself this week, why not? I’ve never really set limitations on life. That’s probably not the best thing to do. You should probably set some limitations on some things in life. Fun should have limitations. Unfortunately I guess I have not seen any in some time. Work should have limitations. Often times people are telling me to “not worry about it” or “put that thing (laptop, blackberry, carrier pigeon) down”. I don’t know. It’s probably some of our worst flaws. As I write this I’m trying to focus on listening. But I can’t tell you where I am or what I’m listening to. Anyhow, sometimes, when something happens good to other people around me, the natural reaction is to sometimes think “will that happen to me?”, “when will I do that”, “when will we all get together and do something like that?” I guess recently, actually this week, I said why not now? Why not soon? Why not?
It’s almost like we’re all waiting for things to happen. I don’t care who you are, you’re waiting in some regard for certain things to occur. From E in Chicago who runs at the speed of light. To the principal who runs in his mind, but strolls in reality. To me, I don’t even know what I do. I think I do one of those walks Fred Astair or Gene Kelly did with the umbrella. Right leg out, left leg out, skip, jump, and repeat every 10 feet. Often times my mind is going a lot faster than my mouth or my fingers, but recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about things. I think I need someone to call me so I can just sit and listen to them so maybe for a day I can stop thinking about what I should say…um, or write. That reminds me. Might be time to call one of my four sisters.
I sometimes question the limits. I used to think the limit on something to be done was time. Time was always the deadline. Had to make varsity by 11th grade. Had to get that college application in by August (thank you PSU-Delco for letting me take entrance exams 7 days prior to the start of classes). Had to graduate college in four years (okay. 4.5. it was worth the fun). Had to get a job by graduation. Had to get a better job. Had to go to grad school. Had to finish the thesis. Had to finish probation.…well, you get my point.
Well, all the while I thought time was the limit on achieving certain things in life. I think that I was wrong in that assumption. I guess society imposes the time constraints on us. Maybe some unmarried gents and gals will agree, but then again maybe you won’t. Not like you have to be honest with me. I hardly know you right?
I guess the conclusion I came to regarding limits was that it wasn’t time. It was me. I placed all these limits on myself. I suggested there be limits. I thought certain things had to be done by a certain time. The older I get. The more I believe that the goal is not to get things done by a certain time, but to get things done right. It’s important to remember that this doesn’t just apply to trivial things in life. It can apply to everything.
I guess I’m more apt to want take my time and do something right than rush and do something wrong. On the other side of the coin I know time waits for no man and that certain things you will want to achieve a certain time, date, age, minute, or day. No doubt about that. And I understand the logic, so keep it up.
It’s not selfish to want time to yourself. The world understands that not every time can our time be spent in public. It may be those moments when you appreciate yourself or those you love most that you spend your time wisely. I can say that I’ve probably learned the most about myself in the time I have spent in solitude. By wish or warrant I was by myself, but there was a reason for both venues.
Don’t ever set a limit on the time you spend doing what you love. Those times are often the shortest and end the most abruptly in life. When you’re doing what you love or spending time with great company you wish time could stand still, but most times it speeds right on by into the space of memory or afterthought. I guess that’s the time when I wish there were no clocks and the sun never set….
b
“Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you”. -Carl Sandburg
Friday, April 24, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
on the limb
When you are posed with a question that usually should be answered honestly, what do you do? Does answering a question honestly depend on your knowledge of what the outcomes and/or consequences will be? Does the inquiring party affect your decision to answer honestly? Does the reaction of the inquiring party or parties force you to modify your answer or response?
I have to say that all of these play a part in how we react to a question that we answer. I was recently forced to answer some questions. The questions were personal questions and they were asked of an entire group where the answers were not shared, but the answers would be information available to the instructors. I didn’t think of the ramifications of answering the questions honestly. I really didn’t think that I would be such a small percentage of the group that answered the questions honestly. I answered the questions honestly.
Do you ever feel bad about answering a question honestly when the result is you being punished, bashed, or in worse shape than you were prior to being asked the question?
I’m a somewhat intelligent person. If someone asks me a question I respond with either an answer of truth or an answer of opinion. That depends on the type of question.
Is it easier to tell someone what they want to hear? Sure it is. I mean, if you tell someone something they don’t want to hear, you have to explain yourself. Usually, that is in a specific situation. But when we’re talking about factual responses, what is the benefit of telling a lie? If you ask a group of people the same question and the group knows that the answers could get them in trouble, do you question the majority or the minority of differentiated answers? Does this make sense? Maybe not so clear.
A group of kids is caught stealing in a department store. When confronted, all of the kids says they didn’t steal anything. When confronted individually, these kids all have different answers. Two admitted to stealing and two do not admit anything. Where does the blame lay? Did all four steal or did two steal and admit they stole? Did two get off easy and two face the music? Could we ever really know unless we were there and witnessed them stealing? No.
You know what sucks about the story above? The kids that stole and admitted it are telling the truth and they are the ones who will be blamed and charged. While two kids that could of also stole are not admitting it and are being let free. Does that seem right? I don’t feel like it is, but maybe I am the dumbest intelligent person out there.
I think we’ve almost been programmed to tell the truth to a certain extent. Tell the truth until it becomes a weapon against your armor. I don’t get that logic, but why does it seem so common today? Well, I’m going to figure it out very soon. I decided to tell the truth in a very important situation and when confronted with being the small minority of people who told the truth I was also punished. Now it’s my turn. I have confronted the people who asked the questions in the first place and had one thing to ask. I asked how a small percentage of honesty can be measure by a large majority of liars?
When a lie travels through a large group isn’t it interesting how that lie starts to become the truth? I guess we’re still on the playground, but there is just so much more on the line these days.
"The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple." -Oscar Wilde
I have to say that all of these play a part in how we react to a question that we answer. I was recently forced to answer some questions. The questions were personal questions and they were asked of an entire group where the answers were not shared, but the answers would be information available to the instructors. I didn’t think of the ramifications of answering the questions honestly. I really didn’t think that I would be such a small percentage of the group that answered the questions honestly. I answered the questions honestly.
Do you ever feel bad about answering a question honestly when the result is you being punished, bashed, or in worse shape than you were prior to being asked the question?
I’m a somewhat intelligent person. If someone asks me a question I respond with either an answer of truth or an answer of opinion. That depends on the type of question.
Is it easier to tell someone what they want to hear? Sure it is. I mean, if you tell someone something they don’t want to hear, you have to explain yourself. Usually, that is in a specific situation. But when we’re talking about factual responses, what is the benefit of telling a lie? If you ask a group of people the same question and the group knows that the answers could get them in trouble, do you question the majority or the minority of differentiated answers? Does this make sense? Maybe not so clear.
A group of kids is caught stealing in a department store. When confronted, all of the kids says they didn’t steal anything. When confronted individually, these kids all have different answers. Two admitted to stealing and two do not admit anything. Where does the blame lay? Did all four steal or did two steal and admit they stole? Did two get off easy and two face the music? Could we ever really know unless we were there and witnessed them stealing? No.
You know what sucks about the story above? The kids that stole and admitted it are telling the truth and they are the ones who will be blamed and charged. While two kids that could of also stole are not admitting it and are being let free. Does that seem right? I don’t feel like it is, but maybe I am the dumbest intelligent person out there.
I think we’ve almost been programmed to tell the truth to a certain extent. Tell the truth until it becomes a weapon against your armor. I don’t get that logic, but why does it seem so common today? Well, I’m going to figure it out very soon. I decided to tell the truth in a very important situation and when confronted with being the small minority of people who told the truth I was also punished. Now it’s my turn. I have confronted the people who asked the questions in the first place and had one thing to ask. I asked how a small percentage of honesty can be measure by a large majority of liars?
When a lie travels through a large group isn’t it interesting how that lie starts to become the truth? I guess we’re still on the playground, but there is just so much more on the line these days.
"The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple." -Oscar Wilde
Friday, April 3, 2009
lemonheads
If I had a chance for another try, I wouldn’t change a thing It's made me all of who I am inside And if I could thank god That I am here, and that I am alive And everyday I wake I tell myself a little harmless lie The whole wide world is mine
I heard that lyric in a song I recently heard and it seemed pretty right for the feeling of the time right now. I think when you are at peace with yourself you’ve really come to a great point in your life. I guess we all have our hang-ups and insecurities, but it’s great when you realize that there is a person or persons that can totally bring you up at any time.
The weekend is once again upon us. Gonna head back over the hills and stop by the old stomping grounds for a minute. I haven’t hung out in a while, but looking forward to seeing some familiar faces this weekend. And a chance to see some family as well. I always wish I had more time around the people who seem to matter most. And the ones that don’t matter any more, maybe some time to figure out why they don’t matter or why we don’t matter to them. I guess it happens.
I find it interesting how quick perception and attitude change these days. We are like a key-stroke away from a range of feelings. It’s almost funny. I think of social-networking sites and how just someone’s messages, status, or posting can evoke feelings. I mean, words on a screen, right? Kind of like Orson Welles’ radio broadcast in 1938. A hoax. A simulated radio broadcast to scare the listeners all over the country. It was radio days. No way to really “know” if aliens were in fact landing. Words over the waves. Words on a screen. Take them with a grain of salt folks.
Some things in life just make you think, wow. Like did he or she really just say or do that? Are you really standing there saying that to me? Are you really going to try and treat me this way and get away with it? This week I was wowed, but in a good way. You have to appreciate the good surprises in life because they not only bring about an emotional reaction, but they also make you think of the motives behind the surprise. In any case, don’t think too long or else it will lose the shine of surprise.
I hope you all have some plans this weekend. As usual I’ll be entertaining in the show. I’m really hoping the 3 million dollars they spent on this place in the County looks like 3 million dollars should look. I guess it doesn’t matter cause everyone will most likely be well greased on Saturday night…
Anyhow, really. Right around this time of the year I reminisce about…wait I just spelled reminisce correctly. Wow. Even I’m not impressed easily, but that was impressive. Highlight of my work day. Anyhow, it’s a good time to re-connect with friends you don’t usually get the chance to hang out or go back to those places that make you think about how life was when you were 16, 17, or 18. I’m sure those were some good years in your life. Getting done school and heading into the summer. I’ll be seeing some old friends this weekend. Some I’ve only seen about one or two times the past decade. Should be very interesting. It’s great how you can always go home, but I know for some home is no longer a physical place, but rather that spot in your heart where you protect yourself with great friends and great memories from your past.
Go out and live through your memories of days past gone.
b
“I would like to be remembered as a man who had a wonderful time living life, a man who had good friends, fine family - and I don't think I could ask for anything more than that, actually.” -Frank Sinatra
I heard that lyric in a song I recently heard and it seemed pretty right for the feeling of the time right now. I think when you are at peace with yourself you’ve really come to a great point in your life. I guess we all have our hang-ups and insecurities, but it’s great when you realize that there is a person or persons that can totally bring you up at any time.
The weekend is once again upon us. Gonna head back over the hills and stop by the old stomping grounds for a minute. I haven’t hung out in a while, but looking forward to seeing some familiar faces this weekend. And a chance to see some family as well. I always wish I had more time around the people who seem to matter most. And the ones that don’t matter any more, maybe some time to figure out why they don’t matter or why we don’t matter to them. I guess it happens.
I find it interesting how quick perception and attitude change these days. We are like a key-stroke away from a range of feelings. It’s almost funny. I think of social-networking sites and how just someone’s messages, status, or posting can evoke feelings. I mean, words on a screen, right? Kind of like Orson Welles’ radio broadcast in 1938. A hoax. A simulated radio broadcast to scare the listeners all over the country. It was radio days. No way to really “know” if aliens were in fact landing. Words over the waves. Words on a screen. Take them with a grain of salt folks.
Some things in life just make you think, wow. Like did he or she really just say or do that? Are you really standing there saying that to me? Are you really going to try and treat me this way and get away with it? This week I was wowed, but in a good way. You have to appreciate the good surprises in life because they not only bring about an emotional reaction, but they also make you think of the motives behind the surprise. In any case, don’t think too long or else it will lose the shine of surprise.
I hope you all have some plans this weekend. As usual I’ll be entertaining in the show. I’m really hoping the 3 million dollars they spent on this place in the County looks like 3 million dollars should look. I guess it doesn’t matter cause everyone will most likely be well greased on Saturday night…
Anyhow, really. Right around this time of the year I reminisce about…wait I just spelled reminisce correctly. Wow. Even I’m not impressed easily, but that was impressive. Highlight of my work day. Anyhow, it’s a good time to re-connect with friends you don’t usually get the chance to hang out or go back to those places that make you think about how life was when you were 16, 17, or 18. I’m sure those were some good years in your life. Getting done school and heading into the summer. I’ll be seeing some old friends this weekend. Some I’ve only seen about one or two times the past decade. Should be very interesting. It’s great how you can always go home, but I know for some home is no longer a physical place, but rather that spot in your heart where you protect yourself with great friends and great memories from your past.
Go out and live through your memories of days past gone.
b
“I would like to be remembered as a man who had a wonderful time living life, a man who had good friends, fine family - and I don't think I could ask for anything more than that, actually.” -Frank Sinatra
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
turning tables
Hello All! And April Fools on you all. I wonder some times….we have all these rules and what not to play by in life and society and even in the democracy of the United States we might have people in our lives that may try to come down on us or “rule” us in some way. Some mentally. Some even telepathically. It amuses me in some sense.
People are not always used to the reaction you may give them when something is said or done. I can admit. I have also been guilty, but I almost laugh when some people can’t even accept the other-than-expected reaction to something. None of us are the same, so why would any of us expect any one to react the same way about something. If you act outside of what’s expected you are somehow breaking norms, but I don’t really agree. You react the way you react because that’s just the natural fashion of who you are. The word pushover comes to mind.
What kind of person would you be if you just let someone run all over you and you just kept your reaction all bottled up inside? Wouldn’t that be a slight of the person you are deep down? The person you were raised to or not raised to be? I’ve seen this reaction go both ways. From the utterly insanely happy to the downright raging anger. Both are very extreme, but I don’t care to knock them. I give people a lot of credit for being able to express themselves. The people that got across to me the most in life were the people that I genuinely felt an emotional tie to. I could feel the joy or pain coming through in their reaction to something that happened. I’ve never been one to just go with the flatline that can sometimes be life. Wake, work, dinner, sleep. And begin again. It’s just so damn boring. Yeah, simple is good, but simple does not mean “without emotion”.
Recently a close friend told me they were having some problems in their relationship and they were angry about it. I understood where they were coming from, but while I noticed the hint of anger and talked about their feelings/emotions regarding the relationship, I noticed another thing about the person. I noticed that they never said “I’m done” or “I’m out of here” or “I quit”. I give this person the utmost respect in life and have watched them develop into a really great parent and spouse. At that moment it shed some light on some things in that type of committed relationship. It seems a lot easier to quit than it does to make it work. But nothing worthwhile ever came easy, did it? Jobs, degrees, success, body, happiness…no one would ever sit there and say their life was simple and easy. Even if I thought it was in my eyes, I wouldn’t slight someone like that and say they had it easy.
All I can say with regard to emotions is recognize them when they do occur. Whether it’s coming from you or being directed toward you. If you’re the other half of the equation it usually means that person really cares about you. Try and respect that emotion. If it’s positive, hold on to it. If it’s negative, at least care enough about the person to work through and actually give a shit about why they act the way they act. I’ve learned that the way people act is often drastically different than me assuming they may act because of certain variables. If you’re a guy reading this, 99% of the time you’re wrong. If you’re a girl reading this you’re probably wrong 98% of the time. The unspoken misunderstanding of a relationship is often what destroys something that was or could be pretty special. So speak the #@$! Up!
Too often we spend so much time thinking we know the answers to questions we never want to ask. It’s almost painful to recount that through your life. Or having the interest to ask your mother or father about how they felt when they had you. A question a child probably would never ask their parent, but thinking about that makes me want to ask my mother how she felt that day.
On Saturday I had some interesting conversation with MA. Lots of questions and answers and just plain laughs at the “show” that is our lives. I had a question for him that I knew the answer and it was evident. “Did it fail?” “Well, we’re no longer seeing those people, so you tell me?” A good laugh. A good laugh at failure, but not the failure to get through it by talking it over with a friend. Why didn’t it work out? Easy. It didn’t work out because it wasn’t supposed to work out. Can time change that? Maybe. Can people change that? Possibly. But time and people change and our lives change with them. What was once desirable becomes less impressive. What once went unnoticed and overlooked now becomes paramount and obvious. What is interesting is that nothing is failure that leads to grow and move on to a better life. It took me a while to realize that a few years ago. You can even laugh at memories that were once bad because well, you have to. I had to keep bringing something up to MA. I think my moral became “change the little things so the important thing can stay and grow”. I think I’m someone who can overlook or get past some of the little imperfections, but looking back, don’t you almost appreciate their abnormality?
I feel sorry for those people who don’t respect emotions. Most likely they don’t even respect their own.
Welcome to the show.
"The most important things to say are those which often I did not think necessary for me to say -- because they were too obvious." -André Gide
People are not always used to the reaction you may give them when something is said or done. I can admit. I have also been guilty, but I almost laugh when some people can’t even accept the other-than-expected reaction to something. None of us are the same, so why would any of us expect any one to react the same way about something. If you act outside of what’s expected you are somehow breaking norms, but I don’t really agree. You react the way you react because that’s just the natural fashion of who you are. The word pushover comes to mind.
What kind of person would you be if you just let someone run all over you and you just kept your reaction all bottled up inside? Wouldn’t that be a slight of the person you are deep down? The person you were raised to or not raised to be? I’ve seen this reaction go both ways. From the utterly insanely happy to the downright raging anger. Both are very extreme, but I don’t care to knock them. I give people a lot of credit for being able to express themselves. The people that got across to me the most in life were the people that I genuinely felt an emotional tie to. I could feel the joy or pain coming through in their reaction to something that happened. I’ve never been one to just go with the flatline that can sometimes be life. Wake, work, dinner, sleep. And begin again. It’s just so damn boring. Yeah, simple is good, but simple does not mean “without emotion”.
Recently a close friend told me they were having some problems in their relationship and they were angry about it. I understood where they were coming from, but while I noticed the hint of anger and talked about their feelings/emotions regarding the relationship, I noticed another thing about the person. I noticed that they never said “I’m done” or “I’m out of here” or “I quit”. I give this person the utmost respect in life and have watched them develop into a really great parent and spouse. At that moment it shed some light on some things in that type of committed relationship. It seems a lot easier to quit than it does to make it work. But nothing worthwhile ever came easy, did it? Jobs, degrees, success, body, happiness…no one would ever sit there and say their life was simple and easy. Even if I thought it was in my eyes, I wouldn’t slight someone like that and say they had it easy.
All I can say with regard to emotions is recognize them when they do occur. Whether it’s coming from you or being directed toward you. If you’re the other half of the equation it usually means that person really cares about you. Try and respect that emotion. If it’s positive, hold on to it. If it’s negative, at least care enough about the person to work through and actually give a shit about why they act the way they act. I’ve learned that the way people act is often drastically different than me assuming they may act because of certain variables. If you’re a guy reading this, 99% of the time you’re wrong. If you’re a girl reading this you’re probably wrong 98% of the time. The unspoken misunderstanding of a relationship is often what destroys something that was or could be pretty special. So speak the #@$! Up!
Too often we spend so much time thinking we know the answers to questions we never want to ask. It’s almost painful to recount that through your life. Or having the interest to ask your mother or father about how they felt when they had you. A question a child probably would never ask their parent, but thinking about that makes me want to ask my mother how she felt that day.
On Saturday I had some interesting conversation with MA. Lots of questions and answers and just plain laughs at the “show” that is our lives. I had a question for him that I knew the answer and it was evident. “Did it fail?” “Well, we’re no longer seeing those people, so you tell me?” A good laugh. A good laugh at failure, but not the failure to get through it by talking it over with a friend. Why didn’t it work out? Easy. It didn’t work out because it wasn’t supposed to work out. Can time change that? Maybe. Can people change that? Possibly. But time and people change and our lives change with them. What was once desirable becomes less impressive. What once went unnoticed and overlooked now becomes paramount and obvious. What is interesting is that nothing is failure that leads to grow and move on to a better life. It took me a while to realize that a few years ago. You can even laugh at memories that were once bad because well, you have to. I had to keep bringing something up to MA. I think my moral became “change the little things so the important thing can stay and grow”. I think I’m someone who can overlook or get past some of the little imperfections, but looking back, don’t you almost appreciate their abnormality?
I feel sorry for those people who don’t respect emotions. Most likely they don’t even respect their own.
Welcome to the show.
"The most important things to say are those which often I did not think necessary for me to say -- because they were too obvious." -André Gide
Friday, March 20, 2009
You-th
I get on the bus this morning and as always things come to mind when you see different people passing you by. So this kind of sloppy kid gets on. Kind of a skater-type. He’s got his “uniform” on for life today. Airwalks shoes, huge hooded sweatshirt, unkempt hair, baggy jeans, backpack. I’ve got my corporate garb on. Standard fare. Tan Dockers, brown shoes, blue and white poplin shirt, scarf, navy blue coat and the standard North Face backpack with a book and blackberry in it. Ipod locked and loaded pumping the latest and greatest from my collection of tunes. Oh yeah, my umbrella. I carry one of those old guy umbrellas. It could be used for protecting you from rain or as a javelin in the next summer Olympics.
Anyhow. I’m sitting there and I wonder what this kid thinks when he sees all these “corporate” kids getting on the bus. All business-like and promoting a successful life of work, education, and burning the candle too brightly at both ends. I wonder, does he understand the freedom his life now includes and the freedom that he may not have in 5 to 10 years? I guess when I saw him I saw more freedom than what I see when I watch all of us go to work every day.
What he didn’t know is that I wanted to lean over and say, keep that style man. Just keep it. Don’t change and oh yeah….do whatever you love in life. Youth is such strength to me. It can change the course of your day in one instant. Maybe seeing your children, some kids playing, kids going to school, the kid on the bus, or a baby in a stroller. I sometimes throw myself into that ageless melee of playing on the playground between classes. Or standing on the deck at the local swimming pool. Going there so early that I’d wait outside for it to open and stay so long that my eyes gave way to the chlorine and had this psychedelic rainbow glaze on them. If you’ve ever swam for hours on end in a pool you know what I’m talking about. For all of those that haven’t, think about something you took between the ages of 16-30. Ha.
I always want to take that youth with me. Most of my cousins are grown, but I love seeing children of close friends and often time think of the day when I may have my own. I guess anyone who doesn’t will do that. My friend S often times sends me pictures of her newest. I nicknamed her Chubbsy cause her extra folds are just the cutest. I often times look at the pictures if I’m having a tough day, tough time, or going through some down times.
Back to this kid on the bus. Freedom of youth to be who you want to be should really be supported. I think to often kids today feel they have to conform in a retreat to not be picked on or criticized, but lets think. Does this ever change? I respect the people that can say, do wear, be, act the person they really are inside. I mean, maybe not everyone will love the person you truly are at heart. But at least you know who does like you for who you are and that lends itself to really creating an environment of calm freedom.
Don’t be afraid to show people who you are. Say what you need to say. It may feel better to get something out of your mind. It’s amazing how words can be just as liberating as visiting places in your mind or in the world that free you from prior constraints.
I know we can’t be the same people we were when we were young, but I’m thinking that while your body will change your mind can keep the spirit burning. Someone will appreciate that desire for individuality as we are separated by more than just DNA and color. I am excited about the next few days. I’m going to get the chance to learn more about people I care about and I hope they just want to tell me something that they’ve been wanting to say or just express. I will just listen.
I want to hear you again friends. It’s that time when you’re able to share without worrying what we’ll think. You are just as special as you think you are.
Boys are beyond the range of anybody's sure understanding, at least when they are between the ages of 18 months and 90 years. -James Thurber
Anyhow. I’m sitting there and I wonder what this kid thinks when he sees all these “corporate” kids getting on the bus. All business-like and promoting a successful life of work, education, and burning the candle too brightly at both ends. I wonder, does he understand the freedom his life now includes and the freedom that he may not have in 5 to 10 years? I guess when I saw him I saw more freedom than what I see when I watch all of us go to work every day.
What he didn’t know is that I wanted to lean over and say, keep that style man. Just keep it. Don’t change and oh yeah….do whatever you love in life. Youth is such strength to me. It can change the course of your day in one instant. Maybe seeing your children, some kids playing, kids going to school, the kid on the bus, or a baby in a stroller. I sometimes throw myself into that ageless melee of playing on the playground between classes. Or standing on the deck at the local swimming pool. Going there so early that I’d wait outside for it to open and stay so long that my eyes gave way to the chlorine and had this psychedelic rainbow glaze on them. If you’ve ever swam for hours on end in a pool you know what I’m talking about. For all of those that haven’t, think about something you took between the ages of 16-30. Ha.
I always want to take that youth with me. Most of my cousins are grown, but I love seeing children of close friends and often time think of the day when I may have my own. I guess anyone who doesn’t will do that. My friend S often times sends me pictures of her newest. I nicknamed her Chubbsy cause her extra folds are just the cutest. I often times look at the pictures if I’m having a tough day, tough time, or going through some down times.
Back to this kid on the bus. Freedom of youth to be who you want to be should really be supported. I think to often kids today feel they have to conform in a retreat to not be picked on or criticized, but lets think. Does this ever change? I respect the people that can say, do wear, be, act the person they really are inside. I mean, maybe not everyone will love the person you truly are at heart. But at least you know who does like you for who you are and that lends itself to really creating an environment of calm freedom.
Don’t be afraid to show people who you are. Say what you need to say. It may feel better to get something out of your mind. It’s amazing how words can be just as liberating as visiting places in your mind or in the world that free you from prior constraints.
I know we can’t be the same people we were when we were young, but I’m thinking that while your body will change your mind can keep the spirit burning. Someone will appreciate that desire for individuality as we are separated by more than just DNA and color. I am excited about the next few days. I’m going to get the chance to learn more about people I care about and I hope they just want to tell me something that they’ve been wanting to say or just express. I will just listen.
I want to hear you again friends. It’s that time when you’re able to share without worrying what we’ll think. You are just as special as you think you are.
Boys are beyond the range of anybody's sure understanding, at least when they are between the ages of 18 months and 90 years. -James Thurber
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
shine on
Man. The weather in the Northeast has been great this week. I always feel better as the weather changes. I do like the fall and winter that Philadelphia brings, but man, sometimes it can be downright depressing to wake up to a gray sky every morning. I guess that would be the one reason that would stop me from actually moving to London. I remember my cousin A.R. saying that they rarely get sun, but I can think of a few other spots that are sunny all year round.
It was good to see everyone around me taking in the weather. Going out, doing things, walking the city streets, enjoying the incoming green of spring, and enjoying a few pints in celebration of Saint Patrick’s Day. Always good to drink some green beer. Unfortunately, I think the top of my local pub (across the street from my apartment is local), must of popped off from too much testosterone and too much alcohol. I guess that’s par for the course. I don’t really miss that even thought I can’t always blame someone for getting all fired up. I don’t know why they may have done what they did. In any case the ruckus woke me up around 3:00am.
Every year around this time this weather seems to wipe away the past few months. For some maybe it’s a new start on the year. I know we all might say “oh, this is my year, right now, January first.” For me, I just “get through” January, February, and the Ides of March. When that weather breaks and that warmth of sun hits your face you enjoy that extra spring in your step or the slight cold you wake up with in the morning with the ray of sun coming through the top of your uncovered window. The sun, the sign that spring is on its way in. It’s also one of those moments that makes me look down at the ground and grin and shake my head.
I think of a few things around this time. For me, it was baseball practice inside the gym in high school. Weather finally would break and we’d go outside for practice. A little cold still, but no better time to smack the leather and throw the pill around a bit. Across the path we’d get to watch the girls practice softball. A little added bonus from going to a cramped public school I guess.
Being outside is so pure. Nothing can really impede what you have planned on a day where the elements are perfect. It’s a great experience to enjoy with someone or some family. I think too often we don’t enjoy what all nature has to offer. I guess I could say living in the city that I don’t, but I do take advantage of it. A run here. A bike ride there. A walk down to the water to watch some ducks do backflips. It’s all good.
What makes this time of year even better is that every day seems to be new. Even though your work may be constant, your mate may be the same (in a good way), your travels may be identical, and your routine may well be, routine. Every day you get another start. Another beginning to feeling great. Another face to smile at or for you to be smiled at. I’m excited to see some real smiles this Saturday as some good friends are coming up. The police officer, the principal, some randoms, LC, L, C, T, J, T. I don’t even know what to expect, but I’ve always had more of an interesting time with life that way…..
The unexpected has taught me so much more than what I knew was going to happen. I don’t regret not being prepared for the unexpected. I also don’t apologize for actions to the unexpected. When you are hit face on, you see it coming. When you are hit from the side, well, you never see it coming, but I digress……
I think we should be thankful for those people in our lives that deal with us at our highest as well as our lowest points. It speaks volumes of the people they are inside. They are there through thick and thin. I came back to help someone recently. I did it indirectly because I wanted them to know that while I’m not “there”, I’m always going to be “there”. It’s just the way it would be.
I know that we can sit here and pick apart these little peaks and valleys we have throughout our lives. Some people come and go throughout, but the sun always rises again. And a better day is left to live.
Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow. – Helen Keller
It was good to see everyone around me taking in the weather. Going out, doing things, walking the city streets, enjoying the incoming green of spring, and enjoying a few pints in celebration of Saint Patrick’s Day. Always good to drink some green beer. Unfortunately, I think the top of my local pub (across the street from my apartment is local), must of popped off from too much testosterone and too much alcohol. I guess that’s par for the course. I don’t really miss that even thought I can’t always blame someone for getting all fired up. I don’t know why they may have done what they did. In any case the ruckus woke me up around 3:00am.
Every year around this time this weather seems to wipe away the past few months. For some maybe it’s a new start on the year. I know we all might say “oh, this is my year, right now, January first.” For me, I just “get through” January, February, and the Ides of March. When that weather breaks and that warmth of sun hits your face you enjoy that extra spring in your step or the slight cold you wake up with in the morning with the ray of sun coming through the top of your uncovered window. The sun, the sign that spring is on its way in. It’s also one of those moments that makes me look down at the ground and grin and shake my head.
I think of a few things around this time. For me, it was baseball practice inside the gym in high school. Weather finally would break and we’d go outside for practice. A little cold still, but no better time to smack the leather and throw the pill around a bit. Across the path we’d get to watch the girls practice softball. A little added bonus from going to a cramped public school I guess.
Being outside is so pure. Nothing can really impede what you have planned on a day where the elements are perfect. It’s a great experience to enjoy with someone or some family. I think too often we don’t enjoy what all nature has to offer. I guess I could say living in the city that I don’t, but I do take advantage of it. A run here. A bike ride there. A walk down to the water to watch some ducks do backflips. It’s all good.
What makes this time of year even better is that every day seems to be new. Even though your work may be constant, your mate may be the same (in a good way), your travels may be identical, and your routine may well be, routine. Every day you get another start. Another beginning to feeling great. Another face to smile at or for you to be smiled at. I’m excited to see some real smiles this Saturday as some good friends are coming up. The police officer, the principal, some randoms, LC, L, C, T, J, T. I don’t even know what to expect, but I’ve always had more of an interesting time with life that way…..
The unexpected has taught me so much more than what I knew was going to happen. I don’t regret not being prepared for the unexpected. I also don’t apologize for actions to the unexpected. When you are hit face on, you see it coming. When you are hit from the side, well, you never see it coming, but I digress……
I think we should be thankful for those people in our lives that deal with us at our highest as well as our lowest points. It speaks volumes of the people they are inside. They are there through thick and thin. I came back to help someone recently. I did it indirectly because I wanted them to know that while I’m not “there”, I’m always going to be “there”. It’s just the way it would be.
I know that we can sit here and pick apart these little peaks and valleys we have throughout our lives. Some people come and go throughout, but the sun always rises again. And a better day is left to live.
Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow. – Helen Keller
Thursday, March 12, 2009
18 minutes
Gotta write this one quick. It’s a quicky. Anyhow, been a while since I last wrote. Almost a full week. Got some reminders that I was not fulfilling my end of the inquisitive and intelligence bargain and needed to push some stuff out onto paper and flush it from my mind. Hasn’t been an easy past seven days, but it has been interesting.
My thoughts on today kind of revolve around failure. So often it seems that failure is viewed as such a bad thing. Whether it’s a job, a task, a good attempt, or a relationship; we tend to view failing at something as us being less than capable. I learned a few things the last few weeks. Failure is a part of our path toward success.
I can only say this for myself. I have learned so much more about myself through failing or stepping in the wrong spot than I’ve ever learned from doing well or succeeding. I think when you fail at something you tend to look closer at yourself. You look at the variables that caused said failure. Too often people blame themselves, but there are so many other factors that are involved. I can’t really go into all of them because they are different for everyone. Just don’t let anyone make you feel like you failed at something. It is okay to be a bit introspective and reminiscent about the occurrence just as long someone isn’t standing over you or face-up putting it in your face. Failure in private can sometimes be just as hurtful as public failure; but at least in privacy one has the chance to put closure to it.
For me people, man, I have failed publicly on numerous occasions. I’ve failed under huge, glaring stage lights. I’ve failed on the street. I’ve failed on the diamond and I’ve failed inside an 8x10 cell. I’ve failed myself when I said what I wanted and I’ve failed myself when I should of kept my mouth shut. In either case, what I pulled from the experience was more valuable than not going through it. I guess as human beings we have that pushover factor. Things can push in any direction, but pushed too far and one is apt to get closer to their breaking point and then…..fail.
These days it seems as though people are all over the internet, others may think they know so much more about you than there really is. I find it funny that people think so much of a profile, words on a screen, or the fact that you actually may believe something I type, post, link, share, or comment on. Is that me? Maybe. Maybe it was just me that day though. Maybe it was you in that moment. Maybe it was someone from that other side.
Failing is good for the soul. Our country has failed on occasions. I say occasions because one failure may be another’s success. I don’t want to go into the examples. But the lesson still holds true. We learn as we go. We’re always going to make mistakes. I just never want to live off mistakes. Do you? Myself and some of my closest friends made mistakes to cause us loss and deprivation of freedom. I would have to say that there is no worse loss than death than deprivation of freedom. I see the reason so many people come here. I know that’s pretty deep, but some know where I’m coming from.
I told my sister K last night that if she wants to get where she wants to be, she has to build on the failures and go up.
When I think about how this applies to relationships and marriage; well you just have to laugh, right? I mean, think about your batting average as it may correlate to marriage. I don’t want to write the equation, but you get my drift. You are going to fail at relationships. We all have. And we all will. What you may have liked at 21 may not be what you fancy at 31; and rightfully so. My only advice on that topic. Don’t fail yourself and don’t let someone change the idea of what “success” means to you. I think sometimes I lost what it meant. I think I lost what it was built off of. It’s not very hard. It’s actually kind of simple when broken down. Of course we’ve all failed some people in life. They can’t hold on to that and nor can you. It’s just the way it works.
Get it?
b
“You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.” – Johnny Cash
My thoughts on today kind of revolve around failure. So often it seems that failure is viewed as such a bad thing. Whether it’s a job, a task, a good attempt, or a relationship; we tend to view failing at something as us being less than capable. I learned a few things the last few weeks. Failure is a part of our path toward success.
I can only say this for myself. I have learned so much more about myself through failing or stepping in the wrong spot than I’ve ever learned from doing well or succeeding. I think when you fail at something you tend to look closer at yourself. You look at the variables that caused said failure. Too often people blame themselves, but there are so many other factors that are involved. I can’t really go into all of them because they are different for everyone. Just don’t let anyone make you feel like you failed at something. It is okay to be a bit introspective and reminiscent about the occurrence just as long someone isn’t standing over you or face-up putting it in your face. Failure in private can sometimes be just as hurtful as public failure; but at least in privacy one has the chance to put closure to it.
For me people, man, I have failed publicly on numerous occasions. I’ve failed under huge, glaring stage lights. I’ve failed on the street. I’ve failed on the diamond and I’ve failed inside an 8x10 cell. I’ve failed myself when I said what I wanted and I’ve failed myself when I should of kept my mouth shut. In either case, what I pulled from the experience was more valuable than not going through it. I guess as human beings we have that pushover factor. Things can push in any direction, but pushed too far and one is apt to get closer to their breaking point and then…..fail.
These days it seems as though people are all over the internet, others may think they know so much more about you than there really is. I find it funny that people think so much of a profile, words on a screen, or the fact that you actually may believe something I type, post, link, share, or comment on. Is that me? Maybe. Maybe it was just me that day though. Maybe it was you in that moment. Maybe it was someone from that other side.
Failing is good for the soul. Our country has failed on occasions. I say occasions because one failure may be another’s success. I don’t want to go into the examples. But the lesson still holds true. We learn as we go. We’re always going to make mistakes. I just never want to live off mistakes. Do you? Myself and some of my closest friends made mistakes to cause us loss and deprivation of freedom. I would have to say that there is no worse loss than death than deprivation of freedom. I see the reason so many people come here. I know that’s pretty deep, but some know where I’m coming from.
I told my sister K last night that if she wants to get where she wants to be, she has to build on the failures and go up.
When I think about how this applies to relationships and marriage; well you just have to laugh, right? I mean, think about your batting average as it may correlate to marriage. I don’t want to write the equation, but you get my drift. You are going to fail at relationships. We all have. And we all will. What you may have liked at 21 may not be what you fancy at 31; and rightfully so. My only advice on that topic. Don’t fail yourself and don’t let someone change the idea of what “success” means to you. I think sometimes I lost what it meant. I think I lost what it was built off of. It’s not very hard. It’s actually kind of simple when broken down. Of course we’ve all failed some people in life. They can’t hold on to that and nor can you. It’s just the way it works.
Get it?
b
“You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.” – Johnny Cash
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